How does your sobriety–or lack thereof–impact your relationship?
Emotions are a huge part of relationship. When you’re able to be sober with your emotions, your honesty and vulnerability cultivate trust and connection grows.
We turn to addictions when we’re uncomfortable with our emotions. We want to hide from them or numb out. So you eat a quart of ice cream or you down a 6-pack of beer. Your addiction confuses your emotional state. You’re unable to be honest and alienation is fostered, trust is undermined, and your relationship connection weakens.
In this episode, I speak with Dawn Larson (a therapist) and Amy (a 12-Step member). We investigate the various ways to define our own sobriety. You’ll hear us discuss eating, binging and a host of other addictions, but what we’re in search of is a definition of sobriety.
Today’s big question: What is YOUR definition of sobriety?
What are the behaviors in your life that foster emotional clarity? And what are the behaviors that foster emotional dishonesty or avoidance?
I’ve had a higher than usual number of clients dealing with sobriety lately, and what I’ve noticed is how nuanced each person’s sobriety is.
Because I’ve had the privilege to walk beside these people for several years now, I’ve noticed that curbing an addiction is only the first step to the true goal: a state of vibrant sobriety.
We all have ways that we “check out.” Your “check out” may not rise to the level of an addiction, so instead of focusing on addiction, I wanted to ask the opposite question: what helps you become sober?
When you and your sweetheart can WAKE UP to each other and to life in general, you have a greater capacity for intimacy. That’s what I’m all about here.
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3 types of addiction
Substance
- Your body becomes physically/psychologically dependent, causing withdrawal. Ex: alcohol, opioids, nicotine, cocaine, sedatives
Behavioral
- Behavior or activity with compulsive urges to repeat and has negative consequences. Ex: gambling, gaming, social media, exercise
Impulse control
- Difficulty resisting impulses/urges/temptation. Causes cycle of behavior/distress. Ex: Kleptomania, pyromania, trichotillomania.
Infinite types of sobriety
My favorite take away from this episode was, “I’m sober when I feel emotional congruence within myself.”
This is why sobriety is so critical. Because when we can truly show up for ourselves, we are able to show up that much better in our relationships.
This is a time of year when emotions can run high. So I want to be mindful myself and remind each of you to notice yourself. What helps you to stay emotionally congruent? What jeopardizes that congruence?
Resources
In the episode Dawn mentions The Heart of Recovery approach to healing. Here is a link to a discussion about that approach.
Here’s a link to my Sober January podcast episode last year.
One of my clients wrote a book about their journey with sobriety and I had the privilege of being their writing coach during the writing of that book.
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