What’s the best thing you can do to create momentum with a habit?
If you want to form a new habit, psychologists tell us the biggest momentum builder is a positive emotional rush. Joy. Today we talk about the most important part of the habit-building cycle: celebration.
- You’ll learn why celebrating those tiny changes in the directional vector toward your destination matters so much
- You’ll hear about the biology of celebrating and how it contributes to habit formation
- And you’ll get a host of questions to help you celebrate to strengthen your own efforts at habit formation rather than relying on circumstances to make you feel better.
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When you celebrate the tiny wins—those incremental directional changes—you make your final destination inevitable.
Remember my story about the plane from LA to NYC? How much of the time it’s off course?
I gave you Jim Rohn’s quote, “You can’t change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction, and direction determines destination.”
The direction you choose is largely determined by your habits—those invisible things you do by rote, like brushing your teeth.
Negative no more…Celebrate instead
Remember my client who thought he’d fallen out of love? Remember how terrified he was at the idea of a hugging his wife tenderly as a way to say hello at the end of the day? Remember how our 3 steps to deal with his negativity bias?
Last week we normalized and neutralized the negative voice that haunts you, making you feel like your ultimate destination is a pipe dream.
That negative voice is TRYING to protect you from danger. But you need to put it into the backseat rather.
Here’s why celebrating is the most important element when you’re looking to form a new habit
The glue for any habit you want to create is your happiness. Celebrating tells your system—your brain, body, and soul—this is it! We want more of this!
Because your brain, your body, and your spirit are all wired to bring you the most joy you can possibly tolerate, every time you celebrate it’s like a bouquet of balloons for your brain.
When you notice your success—especially the tiniest and most specific elements of your success—you cement the chances of that happening again with a constellation of gold stars.
Try this:
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is…to celebrate!
To help you celebrate better and more consistently, I’ve designed a couple questions to guide you. Use these questions to help you mine for the positive emotions associated with the way you’re living your life.
- What is something new you did for the first time?
- What is easy that used to be hard?
- What fear did you conquer?
- What vulnerability did you face?
- What are you now doing consistently that once was hard?
- What are you proud of today?
- Finally, what do you see your partner doing that you want to celebrate?
To hear examples of what it may look like to talk through these questions with your partner, listen to the episode or read it on my blog.
Date Night Discussion
Today the discussion I want to suggest isn’t with your partner, but rather with yourself.
And it’s a simple question. I invite you to ask yourself, “Did I truly let myself see and celebrate the tender habit of hello (or whatever habit you are building) I am creating?”
Here’s an example:
You will know you let yourself see your win if you had a moment of dopamine-infused positivity. It might be because you were proud of your creative question, or you are proud of your consistency and tenacity.
Or you might find you were lucky enough to get a positive response from your partner. Celebrate it! But remember to stay in your OWN business. Don’t depend on your partner’s response. That’s just a bonus that can be cause for celebration.
Your brain answers the questions it has. And your negativity bias is busy feeding your brain all sorts of negative questions. Nothing interrupts a habit formation faster than the inner voice of the negativity bias.
So, if you are serious about creating your new habit, find that dopamine-inspired celebration. I believe in you. I see the you that you are becoming.
How about you?
I love being included in your life. So text me at 970-210-4480 and let me celebrate with you. Let me give you that gold star because you are being true to your values and you’re putting a vector of direction into your destination. Hooray you!
Want to stop arguing and start connecting with your spouse? This FREE e-course will offer you habits to improve your marriage communication so you can smile more and fight less. Sign up to improve marriage communication.
