What do blueberry pancakes and butterflies have to do with staying married? They’re part of divorce mediator Joe Dillon’s advice for couples who want to avoid his office.
I’m a relationship coach. It’s odd that I would want to introduce you to a divorce mediator, but he has so much great information to share with us about what he sees when it comes to divorces:
- I found Joe Dillon online and his body of work was so extensive that I wanted to share it with you.
- Joe is going to help you understand what typical patterns bring people to his office so that you can use those as a cautionary tale.
- He’ll also tell you what butterflies and blueberry pancakes have to do with your happily ever after.
Engagement is the key
The crux of any relationship is staying engaged, staying with the conflict, staying connected, talking about regular life and big life and past life.
As Joe will illuminate, engagement begins with acknowledgement. You’ll hear a story that Joe tells about his early interaction with acknowledgement and how it builds connection.
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Keep up with each other, not the Joneses
One of the things I found fascinating is how much societal pressures are causing divorce these days. Joe talks about how society is putting so much pressure on people to keep up with the Joneses that now people are not taking time to keep up with the ones who are important in your own home.
Societal pressures are causing divorce because parents are trying to get kids to 24,000 activities and they don’t have time to be each other’s sweetheart. Do you feel the weight of these expectations? When you can take some of that pressure off and focus on what’s right for your family, you remember that you’re more than just a parent. You’re able to make time to be a spouse.
The blueberry pancake morning
Joe talks about the slow Sunday mornings he spends with his wife, Cheryl, making blueberry pancakes and watching butterflies out their kitchen window.
I love the rhythm of this ritual. That Sunday morning breakfast and reading the newspaper side by side. It allows them to carve out time to slow their heart rates, to slow their body system so there’s room to connect. The butterfly is that moment that opens up a world of conversation.
What’s your butterfly moment? What connects you and your partner so you have the capacity for bigger conversations?
Try this:
This week’s habit helps you make space for the individual inside of the shared life.
Joe and Cheryl have regular marriage meetings, and it was at one of these meetings that they exchanged legal pads full of their bucket list items. This helped them realize that even though they share a life, they may not share every dream. Joe and Cheryl decided that although they live in Southern California where there’s a beach for Cheryl, they’ll take a month during the year to move to Chicago so that Joe can get his city fix.
I invite you to trade bucket lists with your partner. What dreams do you share? Where will you have to compromise?
Connect with Joe Dillon
Joe Dillon is a divorce mediator at Equitable Mediation. His unique blend of financial acumen, mediation expertise, and personal insights enable him to skillfully guide couples through complex divorce negotiations and reach fair agreements that safeguard the family’s emotional and financial health.
He turns that complexity of relationship into clarity for what you each need. I’m grateful to have had his insights today with the purpose of keeping all of us out of his office.
Want to stop arguing and start connecting with your spouse? This FREE e-course will offer you habits to improve your marriage communication so you can smile more and fight less. Sign up to improve marriage communication.
