What questions are you asking yourself on a regular basis?
Today, I’m inviting you to ask a better question, because if you do, you’ll magically live a better life.
- We’ll talk about how questions—even those invisible questions you didn’t realize you were asking yourself—are shaping your experience of the world
- I’ll give you a habit to help you wake yourself up to the questions you didn’t realize you were asking
- And I’ll help you and your partner find the questions that will deepen your connection and your intimacy
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I invite you to notice the questions you’re unconsciously asking yourself. Different situations require different kinds of questions. Sometimes you want that singular focus. Other times you want a question to broaden your focus.
Sometimes you want a question to help you solve a specific problem. Other times you want a question to help you see the bigger picture.
People who come to coach with me are typically pondering questions like:
- Why won’t my partner talk with me?
- Why am I in charge of all the chores?
- Why is my life such a pile of crap?
When it comes to your relationship, efficiency is typically counter-effective. But our brains like simplicity and solutions.
Let’s start with a quick win. We’ll rewrite the above list:
- Instead of, “Why won’t my partner talk with me?” try asking yourself, “When is my partner most likely to talk with me?” or “What does my partner enjoy discussing with me?”
- Instead of, “Why am I in charge of all the chores?” Ask, “Of all the chores I do, what am I most proud of?” Or “What is one thing I can do today that will align with my values?” or even, “What are the chores that my partner is likely to enjoy taking ownership of?”
- Instead of, “Why is my life such a pile of crap?” Ask, “What do I most want to change in my life?” Or, “Who do I know that is living a life I admire?”
The questions we ask become a filter for the life we live. And not all questions are created equal.
Try this:
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to rewrite your questions. Let’s break it down into 3 specific steps.
- Uncover the invisible questions you’re asking.
- Notice the flavor of your question.
- Rewrite your question to match the life of your dreams.
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to talk with your sweetheart about the questions you want driving your relationship.
You might have fun watching one of the selective attention videos together to kick off your discussion. Here’s a link to the basketball video. Here’s a link to the shell game video.
Want to stop arguing and start connecting with your spouse? This FREE e-course will offer you habits to improve your marriage communication so you can smile more and fight less. Sign up to improve marriage communication.
