Recognize the Trigger. Rewrite the Story.

You and your partner are the authors of your relationship story. But what happens when your childhood triggers begin writing the script?

Today, my guests are Penny and Michael Gold from Relationship Alchemy.

They share examples of relationship triggers and how to recognize the patterns underneath them
They’ll invite you to see how you can turn any tiny practice into a ritual that strengthens intimacy
And they have an endless supply of 10-minute dates to refresh your relationship

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Triggers Identified, Demystified, and Disarmed

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a conflict and wondered, “Why is this bothering me so much?” Penny has 40 years of clinical work to help you identify and disarm the triggers that are currently adding drama to your relationship.

Triggers can stop you from receiving the love your partner wants to give you. So, Penny will also help you calm your system down so that you can actually truly receive the appreciation and love your partner is offering.

Michael has an enormous rabbinical history in storytelling and meaning-making.

What if the argument about Scrabble was never really about Scrabble?

Relationship triggers are rarely just about the present moment. You feel hurt after a small interaction with your partner. But it’s not because of what they said or did. It’s because of the deeper emotional story that interaction awakened.

Those stories begin early in life:

An absent parent created a fear of abandonment
Growing up around conflict taught you to shut down or avoid hard conversations
Being raised to focus on responsibilities instead of emotional connection made vulnerability feel unfamiliar

When your partner chooses to spend the evening working on a project instead of sitting down to play a game with you, it can feel like rejection. Like you’re not being chosen.

This discovery takes time

The emotional story behind your triggers usually doesn’t reveal itself all at once. Penny and Michael encourage couples to get curious about patterns instead of immediately focusing on who is right or wrong.

When do you notice that you feel triggered in your relationship?

When your partner seems distracted during dinner?
When they don’t want to attend something important to you?
When conflict makes them pull away instead of searching for a solution?

The surface situation changes, but the underlying emotion stays the same. That repeated reaction is often the clue that something deeper is happening beneath the conflict.

The goal is not to figure out who is “wrong”

Identifying your relationship triggers won’t help you “win” the argument. But it will mitigate conflict by eventually allowing you to pause and consider why you’re triggered before the argument begins.

This is what allows couples to step out of old stories and begin authoring a new relationship story together. A story built on understanding, vulnerability, and connection.

Try this:

Take Penny and Michael’s customizable 10-Minute date quiz and create a simple ritual of connection together. Even a few intentional minutes can strengthen intimacy and help you reconnect.

Connect with Michael and Penny Gold

Michael is an ordained rabbi, ceremonialist, and transformational guide with decades of pastoral experience working with couples and families. Penny is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in trauma, attachment, and relational healing. Together they lead sacred ceremonies, couples retreats, and medicine journeys guided by the methodology that transformed their own marriage. You can visit their website to learn more and take the 10-minute date quiz.