Vacations are full of details: reservations, travel, and adventure. How do you share the load of logistics when it comes to vacationing with your Partner?
Today we’re talking about vacations and my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend.
- Today we’ll focus on The Partner in your relationship and how to plan a great vacation and rock your to-do lists
- We’ll talk about the skills of The Partner: Leading and Following
- And I’ll give you 3 questions to open up a conversation that supports planning with your sweetheart so you create ease and reduce conflict
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Checklists and spreadsheets = The Partner’s jam
Last week, we talked about how you can strengthen the Friend role in your relationship by cultivating a shared dream. Now let’s transition to The Partner and talk about the logistics of making that dream come to life.
The Partner is great at plans. Can I offer you a caution however? I see some couples get into trouble with the transition from dreaming to planning. If you’re ready to make that leap, I suggest you call it out specifically, “Sweetheart, I’m so excited about this vacation! Are you OK if I begin to make some definitive plans?”
Then, do that thing The Friend does so well and listen. Truly listen. Is your sweetheart actually ready to move into planning mode? There are tons of reasons your sweetheart might not be ready as you are, and we can talk about these in another episode. But trust me here, listen to your sweetheart’s reluctance and don’t rush the plan.
But if your sweetheart is eager, yes! Get that plan going. Let’s talk about all the ways The Partner role in your relationship can be strengthened when you make a great plan.
Your partnership is built on 2 skills that you can learn and improve : Leading and following
Turning your dreams into reality often requires some planning. The Partner is great at planning.
Here’s the thing, who’s gonna make the plan? This is the leader.
If you are not the leader, how can you follow WELL? Because following? Following is a hugely beneficial skill. The worker bees of the world are all followers. Unsung heroes and heroines.
Let’s talk about leadership first
The leader has a vision: we’ll need to get plane tickets, passports. Where will we stay? How do we want to spend our time?
Part of leadership is noticing the rhythm between you and your sweetheart when you cross this line between dreaming and making firm plans. Does your sweetheart need more time to dream? Or maybe you are dragging your feet because you like the dreaming, but actual planning feels like work?
A good leader notices this line and can dance back and forth. A good leader keeps articulating the overall vision and then translates that vision into an action item.
Now let’s talk about how to be supportive to your relationship as a follower
A good follower senses that their sweetheart has some momentum and the very first thing they can do is: don’t get in the way. They encourage their sweetheart to go for it. If you are the follower, I’m not telling you to surrender your preferences and your dreams. I’m simply inviting you to be grateful to your leaderly sweetheart who is ready to make those dreams and preferences a reality.
Followers often have a higher amount of fear or trepidation. But fear doesn’t go away just because you wait to make plans. In fact, the opposite is true: action is the antidote to fear. Your sweetheart is ready to leap. All you need to do is grab onto your sweetheart and let their momentum take you somewhere.
Here’s 3 questions to explore as Partners who vacation together
- Let’s get really clear about what we’re doing on vacation. How do you see the rhythm of each day going? (Setting these clear expectations will make a world of difference while you’re on your vacation.)
- Let’s get clear who is doing what.
- Reservations
- Packing
- Food anticipation
- How do we want to handle money? Shall we have a budget? Shall we save enough to go wild
- How will we know we’re on/off track?
- Unexpected expenses? Flat tire…plane/trains/autos
Here are the links to the series:
Dream Together → Friends imagine a shared future.
Plan Together → Partners build a life together.
Play Together → Lovers create delight, spontaneity, and desire.
Want to stop arguing and start connecting with your spouse? This FREE e-course will offer you habits to improve your marriage communication so you can smile more and fight less. Sign up to improve marriage communication.
