How do you take a vacation that sparks tons of joy?
Today we’re talking about vacations and my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend.
- We’ll focus on The Lover in your relationship and how to increase connection by playing more and maximizing your fun
- We’ll talk about the unique quality of The Lover: Focus on yourself and what you want
- And I’ll give you 4 questions to discover the secret formula to play more while you’re on vacation.
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Do you know how to have fun on vacation? Sounds like a dumb question, right? Isn’t fun the whole purpose of vacation? But many people struggle. Fight. And feel deep disappointment because they didn’t get the vacation of their dreams.
For the past two weeks, I’ve talked about the Friend and Partner roles in your relationship. Now let’s talk about the role of The Lover on your vacation.
The Lover is the do-er
The Lover is the one who actually goes on vacation. Most people just wait for that Vital-Lover energy to land in their lap.
But fun can be mysterious. Do you know how to have fun? Do you lean into fun? Are you the one who sets up the picnic, then later you’re jealous of your sweetheart who was splashing around in the waves?
As Lovers, instead of 2 skills like you develop with your friendship or your partnership, Lovers are really good at one thing: being selfish. What do I want? What makes me really happy?
Your selfishness is a gift to your relationship
Especially on vacation.
When you allow yourself to want what you want, your pleasure shows. Your pleasure becomes contagious.
When I’m rafting down a river with my husband he is in his element. He’s happy because he’s outside. He’s happy because he’s rowing a boat. He’s happy because I’m with him. And his full-body bliss hangs in the air, flavoring every moment that I drink in.
It’s intimacy. Sharing joy.
I invite you to have a full-body-bliss moment with your sweetheart this summer and watch how your happiness lights up your relationship.
This concept is most easy to understand if we look at the opposite
We’ve all been on vacation with that person who isn’t in their element and can’t find a way to let happiness in.
This person complains. Complain about the flight delays, complain about the accommodations, complain about the weather.
Do you remember my number one rule for your happily ever after? Stay in your own business.
- You know you’re in your own business when you can feel your body and control your behavior.
- You know you’re in your sweetheart’s business when you’re telling them what they should do, think, or feel.
You will be happiest to the extent that you can stay in your own business. Controlling your own behavior and emotions.
Oh my friends, there are so many people who come into my office and complain. And I help them see how they missed their own vacation because they forgot to stay in their own business.
If you stay in your own business you won’t miss the rollercoaster
You won’t miss the beauty of the river. You won’t miss the luscious afternoon nap.
It might sound selfish to stay in your own business, but it is the golden ticket to not only having a great vacation yourself but also to giving everyone else a great vacation.
You will make your best memories on vacation if you are bold about chasing your own desire rather than trying to make other people happy.
Here’s 4 questions to discuss as Lovers who vacation together
- When am I likely to be resentful of your happiness and what do I need to do to stay in my own business and make myself happy?
- When am I likely to have no opinion of my own and rely on you to make me happy?
- When am I likely to get lost in my own happiness and leave all the responsibility for details in your lap? And how can I get ahead of that?
- When have I made the best of a bad situation in the past and how can I harvest that energy to do it again?
Here are the links to the series:
Dream Together → Friends imagine a shared future.
Plan Together → Partners build a life together.
Play Together → Lovers create delight, spontaneity, and desire.
Want to stop arguing and start connecting with your spouse? This FREE e-course will offer you habits to improve your marriage communication so you can smile more and fight less. Sign up to improve marriage communication.
