Ever notice how easy it is to put yourself at the bottom of your own list?
- You tell yourself you’ll rest when the laundry is done.
- You’ll pursue that hobby when the kids are older.
- You’ll make your doctor’s appointment after everyone else’s needs are met.
Little by little, you disappear. Not because anyone asked you to, but because somewhere along the way, your domestic productivity became tangled up with your worth. Your ability to feed everyone, keep things clean, and the trains running on time ran right over you. The YOU inside your days disappears in a mountain of to-do’s.
Today my guest is Monica Packer, author of the soon-to-be-released book Sticky Habits: A Woman’s Guide to Reclaim Happiness, Ditch Perfectionism, and Create Habits that Last.
I’m so thrilled to bring you this conversation with Monica, because you’re going to hear about how she tries to avoid martyrdom and feeling invisible and overwhelmed in her home by focusing on progress rather than perfection.
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Perfection temptation
The temptation to put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own is a symptom of perfectionism—that your worth is tied up in your accomplishments. When your identity gets tangled up with what you produce instead of who you are, perfectionism steals your joy.
Then you give up.
And you’re on the perfectionism rollercoaster of ALL (I accomplish, therefore I am) or NOTHING (because it’s not worth trying).
The golden nugget Monica offered me is:
“The opposite of perfection isn’t apathy. It’s humanity.”
Making room for mistakes. For exhaustion. For laughter. For trying again tomorrow.
Because the goal isn’t to finish perfectly.
The goal is to stay on the path. Staying on the path is about progress, not perfection.
When progress is your driver, you become gentler, kinder, more willing to accept everyone’s foibles (starting with your own). You make friends with your humanity rather than your productivity.
If you’ve ever felt like your value depends on how much you produce, or you’ve struggled to give yourself the same compassion you offer everyone else, I think this conversation will feel like a deep exhale.
Monica asserts that your value doesn’t come from what you accomplish. Your value comes from the fact that you’re a person.
When we learn to treat the biggest caretakers in our lives like people with important needs and desires, we will revolutionize our relationships. For generations to come.
Connect with Monica Packer
Monica Packer is the mother of 5 children and the author of the soon-to-be-released book Sticky Habits: A Woman’s Guide to Reclaim Happiness, Ditch Perfectionism, and Create Habits that Last. She is also the host of the top-rated podcast About Progress.
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