182: Too-Much-Tired: When Your Reservoir Is Running Dry

When you view all flavors of tired the same, it’s difficult to address your symptoms. So what are the two types of tired we’re talking about today?

Today we’re discussing too-much-tired—what happens when life drains your reservoir faster than you can fill it. You’ll learn:

• How to recognize too-much-tired and distinguish it from the emptiness of too-little-tired.
• How to identify what’s draining your reservoir—and the downstream consequences of running too low.
• How to find the “river” that can begin filling your reservoir again.

Although we’ll define both types of tired, today’s episode is more heavily focused on too-much tired. Next week we’ll talk more specifically about too-little-tired and in the coming weeks we’ll address ways to cope with both flavors of tired.

Read a full transcript of this episode.

How do you know which type of tired you’re feeling?

Too-much-tired and too-little-tired. You know you’re suffering from too-much tired if you’re feeling depleted and worn-out. Whereas if you’re feeling more emptiness or lacking purpose, you’re feeling too-little-tired.

Too-much-tired happens when you have too much to do in the time allotted. Too-little-tired happens when you have too little energy in your tank to get things done.

Too-much tired: depleted

When you feel too-much-tired, your resources are being drained faster than you can fill them up. Your resources are things like your energy, your creativity, or your ability to get things done. Think of this state of tired like the reservoirs in the Western United States.

Lake Powell (which isn’t really a lake, but actually a dam-created reservoir) is slowly draining because the farms, cities and power systems downstream keep drawing from the reservoir faster than snowpack and rain can fill it up.

Where are the places in your life that you are draining your reservoir faster than you’re able to fill it? Here are a few likely places:

• Feeding yourself and your family
• Dealing with money
• Balancing work life with home life
• Your sleep bank account
• Making decisions; otherwise known as decision fatigue

For the communities downstream of Lake Powell, some day they will be out of river water to irrigate their crops, or there won’t be electricity to power their lights. What are the downstream consequences of your resource drainage?

Too-little-tired: empty

When you feel too-little tired, instead of your resources draining away, you actually lack resources altogether. You feel empty. Think of this state of tired like a deep, dark hole. You can’t see to find your way out, and even if you could see the way, you can’t get purchase on anything because the walls are too slippery.

Where are the places in your life that you might be too-little-tired, and, as a result you’re feeling empty, stuck, or stagnant?

• You feel unseen; like nobody really knows you or values what you do
• There’s little or no challenge to give your life meaning
• There might be lots of work, but there’s very little joy in your life
• You’ve had a crisis like a death or a loss that blinds you to your life purpose

I’ve experienced both kinds of tired at different times in my life. Next week, we’ll talk about how I floated my way out of the cave of emptiness that is too-little-tired. Today I’ll tell you the story of too-much tired in my life. Listen to the episode, and as I tell you my story, ask yourself, “When have I experienced something similar?”

Here is a script you can use verbatim, or borrow from to make it your own:

Partner, I am tired. Not just tired like I need a good night of sleep tired. I’m concerned because I can feel my reservoir of resources is draining faster than I can keep it filled. I don’t want to become so depleted that I am unkind to you (or, if you’ve already been unkind, you can say, I’ve been unkind to you lately and I don’t want that to continue).

Would you be willing to listen to me talk about my experiences? I just need you to listen and not try to fix anything. My intention isn’t to blame you or to find fault at all, but rather my intention is to take an honest look at how my life is going, and how our shared lives are impacting me. Just so I can name what’s happening for me.

Would you be willing to take a walk with me (or sit with me on the sofa)? No phones. No distractions. Just a willingness to let me examine what’s happening for me and why I’m feeling tired?

If your partner is too tired to hear you, I highly recommend you find someone else to talk to. A trusted friend, a parent, a sibling, or a therapist. Or me. On my website, RebeccaMullenCoaching.com you’ll find a form to book a short free consult with me. (and if you use this form, occasionally it gets lost. So here is my phone number. Text me. Because I am a good listener. My phone number is 970-210-4480.)

Want more?

• Next week, I’ll be back with another episode about too-little-tired. Make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss it!
• Until then, try listening to this episode about 3 types of rest to relaunch you.

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