Do you want more pleasure in your life and your relationship?
Today we talk to Courtney Fae Long. Courtney is a leading-edge sexuality educator who teaches couples and individuals how to make magic in the bedroom.
In this episode, Courtney walks us through the journey that it takes to transform from a caterpillar into a butterfly when it comes to receiving pleasure:
- We’ll look at 3 types of sensuality that prime you to enjoy your sex life more
- You’ll hear Courtney teach you how to ignite the fire of desire inside yourself
- You’ll hear about a controversial way to up the emotion in your sex life
Be the Hungry Caterpillar
Courtney shares a story about her insecurities when she first started dating at a young age.
Do you remember being young and vulnerable, thinking about all the reasons why someone would never like you?
“How could they like me when my thighs look like this?”
“If he’s talking to some other girl, he must want to be with her instead of me.”
The ideas about pleasure and body image that are impressed upon us from a young age have caused us all to feel like this at some point.
Courtney’s advice is to feed your body’s hungers the way a voracious caterpillar eats and eats and eats. When you listen to society’s negative messages about sex, you question your pleasure. If you want a fulfilling sex life, it’s important to feed yourself pleasure regularly.
Feed your pleasure to form the chrysalis
Reject society’s messages about sexuality and how your perfect thighs are the key to your pleasure. Instead, form a chrysalis of protection around your desire.
In the privacy of your own chrysalis, you can discover what turns you on. Tell yourself the truth in that chrysalis of privacy. What feels good to your body? What turns you on?
The chrysalis is also a great place for you to practice pleasure. It’s not an easy thing to do. The key is to slowly start allowing yourself pleasure.
Non-sexual pleasure helps in this stage: breathe in the scent of your morning coffee. Roll up your sleeves and feel the warm of the afternoon sun on your skin.
Practice letting yourself feel good until receiving pleasure becomes normal for you. Your chrysalis of self-care is available to you any time you need to get back in touch with what feels good to you. You are unique. What makes you feel good is unique to you.
Notice you unique desires inside your chrysalis.
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Give yourself all 3 types of pleasure
Once you’ve had the privacy of the chrysalis to study your unique desires, then you can emerge from your cocoon to give yourself every pleasure under the sun.
There are three different types of pleasure:
- Every day pleasures like the scent of fresh mowed grass or the warmth of your hands on a mug.
- Sensual pleasures like a soft blanket against your skin or a foot massage.
- Sexual pleasure like when your sweetheart says, “Touch me here.”
Giving yourself pleasure each day—whether sensually, or simply truly receiving the tiny everyday pleasures that arrive in the tiny moment—is a way to ignite your inner fire.
How do you receive pleasure every day?
If you don’t feel pleasure every day, what would it take for you to give it to yourself?
Date Night Discussion:
This week discuss how each of you experience sex and intimacy.
Are you more likely to need to feel that heart connection in order to get turned on physically? Or does the physical intimacy help you open your heart?
Emotion in the bedroom will feed the fire of your desire
Courtney talks about how we can bring BIG emotions into the sexual encounter. Sex can help you connect with your partner even when one of you is angry or frustrated.
I want to be the sort of person who can say, “You can be angry with me,” and simply RECEIVE my sweetheart’s emotion.
Having these sorts of emotional exchanges feels like next level in the intimacy department.
Do you bring these emotions into the bedroom? Or does it feels like a giant mystery how to even talk, let alone have big emotional interchanges while making love?
Try this:
This weeks habit for your happily ever after is to schedule sex with your partner.
Talk to your partner about days and times that work best to have sex, or choose some dates and put them on your calendar.
Does this seem unsexy? Consider that all-day foreplay in your traded texts when you know tonight’s THE night.
Get more ideas for scheduling sex in this bonus episode.
Become the butterfly
A butterfly has the ability to fly far far away from it’s chrysalis. When you are able to embrace the wide variety of what brings you pleasure, you’ve embraced your inner sexual butterfly.
You can see those old thoughts about your thighs with the perspective of a wide sky, filled with beauty and truth.
Think back to the insecurities you had when you were young. Consider all the pleasure you kept at bay because you thought you weren’t deserving.
Then try looking at it through the lens of pleasure and love. Tell your younger self what you needed to hear then. And tell your current self too.
This is the power of the butterfly transformed.
Connect with my guest
Courtney Fae Long, MSW, LC, CHT, is a leading-edge Sexuality Educator and Author who has been teaching for 25 years. Courtney holds a Master’s Degree in Social Work (MSW), Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology (B.A.), and certificates in Sexuality Education and Sex Therapy from the University of Michigan, USA.
With a light and joyful approach grounded in scientific research, Courtney teaches adults how to make magic in the bedroom and feel happy, turned on, and abundant in all areas of life, from love and intimacy to business, career, and financial success.
Courtney lives in Phoenix, Arizona in the United States. She offers an online school and retreats on her website.
Want to hear more about how to receive pleasure?
Listen to my conversation with transformational life coach Kirstin Hotelling Zona, or my discussion with romance novelist Grace Woods.
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