Episode #17 Batch Your Date Nights

Is it hard for you to think of creative date nights?

In today’s episode:

• We’ll look at the three types of dates: for the Lover, the Friend, and the Partner
• You’ll learn to set the stage for your date night summit so you both come to the table full of ideas
• And you’ll improve your invitation game by learning how to back up and be patient when you invite your sweetheart on a date.

Date night & your relationship: no plan = same date over and over

Let’s say you’re ahead of the relationship curve and you actually set aside a dedicated time to spend with your sweetheart doing something special that grows your relationship.

You and your sweetheart arrive at the appointed time for the date to begin and you look at your sweetheart, “Whatcha wanna do?” And your sweetheart looks at you, “I dunno. Whatta you wanna do?”

Watch this clip from The Jungle Book that makes fun of this moment everyone has.

And the conversation goes back and forth, “Wanna go get dinner?”

“Nah,” says your sweetheart. “Too expensive. Wanna take a walk around the lake?”

“It’s almost dark already.”

So you settle on seeing what Netflix has to offer and you order a pizza.

Unless you or your sweetheart are a party planner, it’s probably hard to come up with ideas for a fun and bonding date night at your house. Especially if you’re tired from having just worked all week.

A date night invitation is where the seduction begins

The Partner is who likes to plan the dates. But sometimes you need patience to connect with The Friend, or an adventure that will wake up The Lover before your spouse will want to create a plan with you.

I showed my husband scraps of paper and where I’d written “Hike in the San Juans.” Then I asked him, “Do you know of a time this week we can sit down to have our summit about dates for 2023?”

More than you want a plan, you want to plan with your significant other: the person you wanted on all your fun dates.

Choose a date night YOU love

When you’re having fun, your joy will be contagious.

I love cleaning the garage. A light when on inside my husband when I told him this was my choice for our date. He knows how much I love to clean out a drawer.

And so for my birthday, we took the whole weekend and truly overhauled the garage which had been bugging me but it was also overwhelming to me.

Make your joy obvious.

Instead of blaming or shaming my husband into cleaning the garage,  I learned to be unabashed about how happy the garage date made me.

An invitation to create a bunch of date nights requires finesse.

It’s critical that you INVITE instead of telling your sweetheart THIS IS WHAT WE’RE GONNA DO. That’s not an invitation and it doesn’t hone the mindset you’re trying to create.

Give your sweetheart room to mull and ponder and maybe only half hear you.

What makes for a great brainstorming session for you and your sweetheart? What time of day would be ideal? Is there anything—like maybe a snack—that makes the invitation more enticing?

Then repeat your invitation. But remember: it’s an invitation not a shove. Not “we should do this.” You want a sweetheart who genuinely accepts your invitation.

Three types of dates nights to keep your whole relationship strong

Spend some time thinking of the date you’d most like in each category: the lover who wants to take an adventure; the partner who wants to achieve something together, and the friend who wants to know and be known.

Use one of your date ideas to sweeten the invitation you offer.

Patience and staying in your own lane will pay off.

#1 Let your happiness inspire

Is really a story. Let your desire shine. Tell your sweetheart a story about a date you LOVE, but it might not seem all that appealing to your sweetheart. For me it was cleaning the garage. For my husband he’d want to look at a map together and plan an exploration.

#2 What is your spouse’s idea of a great date?

Ask your sweetheart about their fun date idea that you’re not wild about. “Sweetheart,” you’d say, “Tell me about the date you wish I’d take with you, but you don’t invite me because you think I’d hate it.”

#3 Embrace the alone date

Do NOT say yes to a date that you do NOT want to attend. This veto is power that makes this whole batching of dates possible. This is where your invitations truly become invitations because an invitation means you can say, “That’s not for me.” But then encourage your sweetheart to go with out you.

Links

To read a transcript of this week’s podcast, click here.

To look at Allison Evan’s article and resisting change, click here.