Joy hides when you keep score in your relationship
Resistance is a joy thief. We resist what we don’t want. Things like doing the dirty dishes or a spouse who doesn’t initiate sex.
One of the best strategies for resisting these things is blame. When you blame your spouse for the dishes or the lack of sex in your relationship you feel righteous. But you have no joy.
I’ll give you a controversial strategy for why you shouldn’t rush yourself to stop blaming in moments like this and how to seduce joy to return to your life.
In this episode:
- You’ll hear a story about when I blamed my husband
- You’ll learn my strategy for finding a way back to joy
- You’ll hear why your “How we met” story adds to your happily ever after, and I’ll ask you to share your story
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
- Pause.
- Then choose a physical sensation–like the warm water I felt on my hands–that returns you to the present moment.
Why does this work?
Blame lives in the future or the past. When you can bring your body back to the present moment you stop resisting. Slowly, you notice how your body loves the sensual pleasures of the present moment.
Instead of MAKING yourself stop blaming, you are gentle and compassionate with yourself. That gentle compassion plus the awareness of a sensual pleasure invites joy to return organically.
While you’re developing habits for your happily ever after, consider taking my class, Marriage 101.
Begin Again
Begin Again is a foundational mindset in my coaching practice. I love to hear a couples “How we met story.” Each person talks about their partner in a hopeful tone, mentioning core things they are attracted to. There’s a glow when people tell their “How we met” story.
This glow can happen because there’s no baggage. But as you live together and share a front door and a toilet, that glow dims.
What I’ve also noticed is that couples who can begin AGAIN cultivate something more gorgeous than glow. They have a luster. This shine that comes from deep inside. Luster comes from polish: like stones on a beach.
I’d love to hear your beginning story or your begin again story. Please text me at 970-210-4480 or connect with me here and tell me your story so we can let others hear both the glow and the luster of your relationship.
Date Night Discussion
Tell a story about when you were blamed as a kid.
Did you actually do the thing you were blamed for?
I give an example that involves broken ornaments and how blame stole the Christmas-tree-joy from one of my clients.
The best resource I can recommend about resistance in relationships
The book I recommend the most when my clients are caught in a blame cycle is by author Byron Katie. The book is called Loving What Is.
Want to stop arguing and start connecting with your spouse? This FREE e-course will offer you habits to improve your marriage communication so you can smile more and fight less. Sign up to improve marriage communication.
