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If you’ve ever wondered when to intervene with your child and when to let go and trust them to know what’s good for them, this episode is for you.

In this episode, Allison Evans joins us again to offer clarity on why staying out of your child’s business is actually the caring thing to do.

Allison is a master’s certified life coach and the creator of “Be The Heroine,” a year-long small group coaching program. You’ll hear about how the age-old struggle of nourishing your child can be helped by staying out of your child’s business, and you’ll receive a tool to help you judge your child in a way that won’t hurt them.

 

Why it’s more kind to your child to stay in your own business

Allison’s son doesn’t want to eat the nourishing meal that she made. All he want’s to eat is junk food.

What is your reaction when your child refuses to eat their dinner? You are concerned, because you want your child to be happy and healthy and they need proper nutrition to achieve that.

When you are in your child’s business, this concern can come across as judgment. You may feel that you’re doing the right thing by making your judgement known, but you aren’t treating your child kindly when you judge them.

The argument over who’s right about what your child should be eating, you or them, is more corrosive to your relationship than a bag of Doritos.

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You can care about your child and stay out of their business

A solution to avoid harmful judgment and offer kind advice to your child instead is to work through your judgmental before speaking to your child.

Take the thought that your child should eat the food you provide them, and ask yourself those questions from Allison’s previous interview starting with “Is it true?”

When Allison did the work on this thought, it gave her clarity. Of course her son wanted to eat junk food, it’s engineered to be delicious! How could she blame him for wanting to eat something that tastes good to him? The judgement she would have spoken to her son can take a new shape now:

“I get it. Dorito’s are the bomb. Bout would you please try the food that I made? The Doritos will be there for you after if you still want them.”

Making a clear ask that focuses on understand and playfulness will help both you and your child feel more relaxed in this situation. when caring comes across as judgment it feels bad in your body. Turn your judgement into something positive.

 

The difference between a judgmental parent and doing the work to stay in your own business

You can judge your children and want the best for them. Judgment becomes something negative when you try to control your child because you think you know best and think there is no other way but yours.

Judgment can be a good thing when you use it to understand your feelings before turning it around to see the situation in a new way.

Working through your judgment can help you understand that your child may not be disobeying you, but instead listening to their own body and mind to understand what they want.

Try this: 

Fill out the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet. There is an option for kids and for teens.

You can work through a previous situation or thought you have about your child for practice. Next time you feel yourself going into your child’s business, take a step back and fill out a worksheet before proceeding with the situation.

You can find more information here.

Staying in your own business when feeding your child

Allison walked me through the judgement worksheet for the example of my son not eating his food.

Feeding your child is a struggle for every parent because nutrition is important to health. however, allowing your child to learn how to listen to their own body is important as well.

It can be difficult to let go of the thought that your child need to eat when you put food in front of them at dinner time. To look at your three-year-old and say “I trust you to eat when you’re hungry. I’ll offer you your food again later.”

But once you let go and understand that you can care without changing or controlling, the whole situation becomes lighter.

 

Connect with my guest

Allison Evans is a transformational coach. After our interview I found this story on her about page. Scroll down to the section titled, “Learning to Listen” and you’ll hear almost the same story I had in our interview. As parents, we all share the same stories, don’t we? That’s why it’s important that we support one another.

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