Tell your partner which kind of non-sexual touch makes you feel nurtured.
This list will help generate ideas for non-sexual touch in your relationship. Share it with your partner and ask them to fill it out.
Try this:
- Screenshot sections of this list. Circle your favorite ways to be touched.
- Share your screenshots with your partner.
- Ask your partner to do the same and share with you.
Road trip or a quick errand and you’re in the car
Affectionate touches connect you and your partner. The car is an intimate space to share. How do you like to be touched when you’re driving or riding along?
- I like it when you put your hand on my knee.
- I like to hold hands in the car.
- I like it when you feed me snacks in the car, popping a grape in my mouth.
- I like it when you open the car door for me.
Touch as you move through the world
Transitional times can cement your relationship with affection. What touch feels best to you?
- I like to hold onto your arm. I like it when you give me your elbow and I lace my hand through it.
- I like it when you grab my hand to hold while we’re walking. It feels good that you reach out for me.
- I like you to put your arm around me as we walk. Walking close like this feels cozy.
- I like when you put your hand on my back and sort of usher me through a doorway or entrance.
Touching in public
Some people really like to be affectionate in public, but others feel uncomfortable. Where do you fall on the spectrum of touching in public?
- I like it when we’re in the grocery store or at a party and you put your arm around me.
- I like it when you put your hand lightly on my back to scratch or rub my back because it feels like you’re saying to the world, “This is my person.”
- I like it when you kiss me lightly when we’re in public.
- I love it when you plant a giant smooch on me even when–or maybe especially when–others are watching.
At home
Affection at home–where things can get routine–shakes up your relationship and keeps it fresh. What kind of affectionate touch do you like at home? Do you ever feel annoyed by affection?
- I like it when I’m cooking and you want to be near me. It feels good when you sit or stand near me and talk to me.
- I like it when I’m busy doing something and you come up behind me and wrap your arms around me.
- I like it when I’m deep in concentration at the computer and you silently kiss the top of my head, not to interrupt, but just to quietly say, “I love you.” I want you to know that, even though I don’t break my concentration, I love this gesture.
- I like it when we’re in different parts of the house and you seek me out to give me a kiss for no reason.
Touch to say hello and goodbye
The way you say Hi & Bye flavors your relationship, and deepens your connection to your partner. What touch feels natural to you? What touch would make you happiest?
- I like to linger in bed in the morning and snuggle with you.
- I like to have you walk me to the door when I leave the house and give me a kiss goodbye.
- When I come home, I want you to take a moment to interrupt what you’re doing to give me a quick kiss, so I know you care that I’ve returned.
- I want to go to bed together each night, not because I need to have sex, but just because I like to end the day together.
- I don’t always need to go to bed at the same time, but I want to kiss goodnight.
Try this:
- Another way to use this list is to let your partner know what turns you off. Take the same screenshot, but put a big X through the ways you don’t like to be touched so your partner knows these turn you off.
- Want to communicate more? Number your top three favorite ways to be touched, then ask your partner to do the same.
How do you like to be touched?
What have I forgotten? What’s the unique way you like to be touched that I didn’t mention? I’m curious. Send me a text 970-210-4480 and start it, “My favorite non-sexual touch is…”
Here’s an article about why non-sexual touch is not only good for your sex life, it’s also foundational to a peaceful life.
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