Does your partner clean the kitchen?
Most people feel like they do more of the mundane work than their partner. It’s easy to take your partner for granted.
- You’ll hear why cleaning the kitchen is sexy
- You’ll get a gold-star habit that will spotlight the invisible work you do
- And I’ll give you a discussion prompt that will offer your sweetheart a chance to tell you how proud they are of you
In the three roles that make up your relationship—lover, friend, and partner—The partner is the one in your relationship that takes care of needs and keeps each of you feeling safe.
How a fight starts
It’s a great feeling when your sweetheart texts you during the day and says, “Let’s go out for dinner.” You feel that whoosh of wonderful that you’ve been asked out on a date. You might even take a second shower to make sure you’re date-worthy.
The date goes great. Wonderful evening. Good sex when you get home.
Then, Saturday morning, you are sipping coffee as you catch up on life’s details and bam! You realize your bank account is overdrawn.
“I thought you were gonna be in charge of the bank account this year,” you say to your sweetheart.
“I am,” says your sweetheart.
“Then why are we overdrawn?”
“We’re overdrawn?” says your sweetheart. “Then why was I able to get cash yesterday?” And you suddenly realize your sweetheart’s idea of being in charge means visiting the ATM until the ATM will no longer dispense money.
There are three relationships inside your singular marriage. When you and your spouse are both in the same role, you’re in sync with each other. When you’re not, you don’t understand each other.
It’s wonderful to be married to someone who’s constantly focused on keeping life fun and lively.
Until. Until you can’t pay the bills.
Suddenly all that liveliness feels selfish and immature. You accuse your partner. Your partner says, “Stop being my mother/father.” And your tense argument is off to the races.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Today’s habit for your happily ever after is to highlight the partner moments in your relationship.
The thing about the partner is often times their contribution to the relationship is invisible. So, this habit is designed to shine a spotlight on the partner in your relationship and to give that partner the gold star recognition they crave.
Here’s the catch: your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to give yourself a gold star each time you make a partner contribution this week.
Each time you do something that makes you proud of how you’re making your home/life/or relationship safer by upholding a responsibility, your task is to make an announcement to your sweetheart.
- “I vacuumed today.”
- “I grocery shopped today.”
- “I got the license plates renewed on the car today.”
Announce how you’re making life better by taking care of the details.
It’s likely your sweetheart honestly doesn’t see your contribution. Announcing it gives your sweetheart a genuine opportunity to thank you…and give you the gold star you crave while your sweetheart simultaneously realizes oh, you mean the food doesn’t magically appear in the fridge?
Mostly, though, I’m concerned with helping you to see YOURSELF. Don’t wait for someone else to give your life value. Find your worth by living according to your value system. Announcing your invisible contribution is a proclamation to your deepest self that you are living the way you aspire to live.
So this week’s habit for your happily ever after is to proclaim your partnership contributions.
I’d love to give you a gold star. Text me at 970-210-4480 and let me know about the invisible tasks you do at your house.
Relationship Date Night Discussion
This week tell your sweetheart something you feel proud about. And ask your sweetheart what they are proud of.
Why does this help?
I talk to lots of couples who hesitate when I give them this discussion prompt. “That’s embarrassing,” they say.
But your partner is just waiting for an invitation from you.
Join my newsletter
Don’t miss an episode of my podcast. Join my newsletter now.
Want to read the text of this episode? Click here.
Want to stop arguing and start connecting with your spouse? This FREE e-course will offer you habits to improve your marriage communication so you can smile more and fight less. Sign up to improve marriage communication.
