Episode 21: 4 Ways “Thank You” Will Improve Your Relationship

How often do you say “Thank you” in your relationship?

Today we’re gonna talk about the 4 magical ways two simple words, “Thank you” will vastly improve your relationship:

1. You’ll discover how thank you can be a door of permission for you to create the life of your dreams
2. We’ll explore why thank you is often preferable to the word sorry
3. And you’ll discover how thank you can provide an attitude shift for you or your sweetheart

Your relationship can completely shift when you employ the magic of “Thank you.” Today I’m gonna show you how versatile those two simple words can be.

#1: Why and how thank you makes invisible work visible

You share a home, so there’s lots of invisible work.

Thank you helps with that invisible feeling because when you say thank you, you are naming a reason your spouse is valuable in your life:

Example: “Thank you for dinner.” This is one of the most basic thank you’s in the world.

We resist these thank yous because we value independence.

#2: “Thank you” creates an attitude shift

You need your spouse profoundly.  David needed me during his schooling so he hid from “Thank you.” Saying thank you acknowledges the debt we owe, and we tell ourselves all kinds of stories like, “I don’t deserve this help.” “I’m not worthy of this gift.” So we bury all of it: our feelings of unworthiness as well as our gratitude.

Are you in a situation where your spouse makes an enormous difference in your life?

• Thank you to helps usher in a new chapter in your lives
• “Thank you” lubricates your relationship
• Thank you helps to heal resentment in your relationship

The journey of thank you took me from feeling invisible to living my dream. Nothing changed except that I softened.

What would change in your life if you thanked your spouse for their invisible contribution to your life?

#3: Say “Thank you” instead of “Sorry.”

You’ve heard people who use the word sorry reflexively. Can you hear how sorry is really an avoidance for saying, “I have my own desires.” And, in addition to avoiding your own desire, you’re asking your spouse to say, “That’s OK.”

Don’t ask for permission to be yourself. This is detrimental to you and to your relationship.

This is not good for your happily ever after. Save the word sorry for times you’ve caused harm. Don’t apologize for yourself. Instead, say “Thank you” which sends the opposite message.

#4: Thank you gives permission to yourself or your spouse

In the same way that thank you can get rid of resentment, thank you can also cultivate permission.

You are not responsible for your spouse’s happiness. Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness. “Thank you” makes that clear and offers permission for you each to be yourself.

Thank your spouse for something invisible. Or thank them to shift your attitude. Thank your spouse instead of saying sorry. Or thank them to offer them a get-out-of-guilt free card.

Don’t try to do everything. Just pick one of the four kinds of thank you’s and see if you can repeat it 2 or 3 times this week.

Then notice how you feel.

Imagine what that tiny shift in saying thank you will do for your HEA.

This week talk about a time you felt gratitude from someone.

Tell your spouse the story of a time you felt gratitude light you up. Then ask your spouse about a time they felt washed in gratitude.

Before you’re capable of feeling grateful to someone else, it helps to know the world is grateful for you.

When you let gratitude into your heart—when you tell a story out loud to your spouse about how the world is grateful for you—you feel worthy, and worthy-feeling people are the most generous with their gratitude.