Episode 22: The Vulnerability Hangover: What happens when you connect in two roles of your relationship, but neglect the other?

Vulnerability can leave you lonely even in a marriage relationship.

Have you ever had a fabulous relationship exchange with your spouse, and then, an hour or a day later, you feel emptier, or lonelier than ever before?

Today we’ll return to my marriage framework of Partner, Lover, and Friend. We’ll discuss

1. What it means to consummate your marriage (hint: it’s not what you think).
2. And you’ll get a habit to practice that involves a magic trick of connecting completely

Vulnerability is normal in happy relationships

The empty or lonely feeling happens regularly in happy relationships because you’re suffering from a vulnerability hangover. And it’s just because one role of your relationship—partner, friend, or lover—surged forward, and now—by contrast—the other roles seem lacking.

What does the word “consummate” mean?

When I consult Meriam Webster about what does consummate mean? The definition is “to complete in every detail.” The second definition is “extremely skilled and accomplished.”

What if you consummated your relationship—completing that relationship triangle in every detail in an extremely skilled manner—over and over in dozens of different ways?

It’s normal to wobble on that base you’re creating

Today I just want to give you an awareness of the edges of that triangle and how to keep that base securely growing point by point. Conversation by conversation. Chore after chore. Adventure after adventure.

When I was exploring the word consummate, this video came up. It’s an experiment in fluid dynamics.

Missed try? No one’s fault

You’ll see all the missed tries. That alone is a great tool for you and your spouse to name. No one’s at fault. We just aren’t connecting completely. No worries. Wash out the tank and try again (This experiment happens inside a fish tank of water).

Allow yourself to remember how much patience, resilience, and tenacity are required to return over and over to complete your experiment. To consummate.

I invite you to notice the pattern in your relationship today. Which feels like the “neglected leg of your triangle?” If you were to pick one of the legs of your triangle to focus on completing so you avoid the wobbles, which would it be?

• Would it be The Partner role that allows you and your spouse to share a sense of accomplishment?
• Would it be The Friend role that deepens your understanding of each other?
• Or would it be The Lover role who keeps your relationship vital and exciting by sharing adventures?

And here’s a bonus discussion prompt that I should have offered first :

When have you had that feeling of perfect, explosive connection? When everything connects so beautifully that zillions of other baby moments of togetherness are spawned? Talking about this with your spouse does two things:

How can you “consummate” or complete your relationship?  Text me today at 970-210-4480 and let me know.