How Dr. Diana Hill Embraces the Pain that Comes with Love

How does embracing fear and pain strengthen the love in your relationship?

When we allow ourselves the bothness of our fear and our love–and we allow the pain we feel to clarify our values–we are invited into our genius.

Today, you get to hear from Dr. Diana Hill, the author of the new book, Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most.

She will help us see our pain differently: as a teacher to help us clarify our values.
And with that clarification, she’ll guide you to identify your unique genius energy that will improve your relationship with your partner.
What I’m most excited about is for you to experience the radical ACCEPTANCE that flavors the way Dr. Hill moves through the world.

Embrace the pain that comes with love

“The fear and the pain are linked to my love.”

Dr. Diana Hill said this in my interview with her when she was talking about her husband’s fading eyesight. Because his sight was limited, he tilted his head this way and that way.

Diana didn’t want to see him tilting his head. Seeing him tilt his head forced her to confront the pain that maybe her husband was going blind.

But then she said, “The fear and the pain are linked to my love.” I teared up. Because this is the key, my friends.

Deep love comes with some pain.

Most of the time that pain is about vulnerability and we tend to want to sidestep it or avoid it. Diana describes how she embraced the pain because that helped her deepen the love, connection, and intimacy.

I love this juxtaposition in Dr. Hill’s work about pain and how pain invites us to clarify our values.

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How pain clarifies our values

I loved reading this book, Wise Effort, by Dr. Diana Hill. And my biggest take away both from the book and from my conversation today is that pain clarifies our values. And when our values are clarified, then we can invite our genius energy into that moment that is both pain and love.

This is where intimacy thrives. This is where we deepen connection.

If you’ve enjoyed this conversation today, I invite you to listen to the episode from June 30, 2025 called Stable Heart and Clear Mind. I listened as I drove from my home in the mountains to my office in Grand Junction, Colorado and I felt like a new person when I got out of the car. Stable and Clear.

Date Night Discussion

This week I invite you to talk with your partner in the style of my conversation with Diana today. Invite the bothness of pain and love to deepen in your relationship.

Here’s a list of questions from Dr. Diana Hill’s book Wise Effort:

These questions come from a page in her book titled: How to focus your Genius Energy on What Matters Most, to help you open up to your feelings.

What did you learn (or not learn) about emotions growing up?
What feelings are hardest for you to feel?
What centers you? (remember her example today about the potter’s wheel?)
What are you feeling right now? Can you name it?
What does it need? (when you practice naming your emotions, you increase your emotional intelligence)
What do your feelings tell you about what you care most about?
If your feelings are your biggest teacher, what are they teaching you right now?

Connect with Dr. Diana Hill

Diana Hill, Ph.D. is a modern psychologist, international trainer, and a leading expert on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and compassion. Drawing from the most current psychological research and contemplative practices, Diana bridges science with real-life application to help organizations and individuals develop psychological flexibility so they can grow fulfilling and impactful lives. She is the host of the Wise Effort podcast and author of four books including Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most, I Know I Should Exercise, But…, The Self-Compassion Daily Journal, and ACT Daily Journal. She has been featured on NPR, Wall Street Journal, Psychology Today, and numerous other media platforms. She lives in Santa Barbara, California. Follow her @drdianahill.