How can you find a bigger and bigger “YES!” when it comes to spending money such that it’s easier and easier to say “NO” to the things that will distract you from your deepest values?
Today, we continue our 3-part discussion about money. Last week we talked about your money mindset. As a reminder, It’s critical to hear the WHOLE story from your partner when it comes to money. There are 3 skills to help you hear that whole story: Notice, Get curious, and Understand your partner’s deepest values.
In this episode, I’ll tell you about my son’s journey with his own money mindset and how his values deepened and his spending changed as he matured.
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Part 2 of a 3-part series about relationships, money and values
I’ve read many financial books that offer advice about budgeting and investing. The common denominator in all those books is “Pay yourself first.”
What does this mean? And how do we DO it?
That’s what we’ll talk about today. Please remember my perspective: I’m not a financial advisor. I’m a life coach who is practiced at helping people figure out systems, habits, and how to get yourself to do the things you know you should do, but can’t manage to get done.
I told you last week that I’ve been listening to Ramit Sethi’s podcast called Money for Couples. I love how Ramit boils financial complexities down into simple, understandable steps.
When it comes to money, Ramit says we all need to learn three things:
- We need to learn how to earn money.
- We need to learn how to save money.
- We need to learn how to spend money.
Today I’ll tell you the story of how my son learned those three lessons. And, disclaimer here: I’m completely biased and I think my son is great.
I think these three lessons can be boiled down into the phrase, “Pay yourself first.” Hopefully, by the end of my story, you’ll not only want to pay yourself, you’ll see how to make that happen.
How to find your “YES!” when it comes to money
In my story today, I tell you about how my son learned why it’s important to “Pay yourself first” when he was 12, and how that lesson carried on into his 20’s.
You pay yourself first when you can deny a desire-of-the-moment in favor of a desire-for-tomorrow. Most tomorrow-desires, when satisfied, contribute to a much larger sense of self and identity.
This is the self you’re learning to pay first: your largest self. You do it when you find your big “YES!” that makes saying “NO” easy.
Date Night Discussion
This week, I invite you to ask yourself some questions to help clarify your values around money:
- Who do you long to become?
- What story do you want your mother, your father, or that person in your life you most want to make proud—what story do you want them to tell about the way you used money to become the biggest version of yourself?
- Can you name the desires that money bought you when you were young?
- Can you name how those desires changed when you were first living on your own? How about now?
Today, I told a story about my son, who is a hunter. However, I also have a daughter who decided to stop eating meat at a young age. I invite you to listen to my TEDx talk about how, through stories, we were able to find peace at the dinner table.
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