You hate seeing your partner suffer. So, you jump to solutions.
When someone we love is hurting, our instinct is often to fix it.
But rarely do any of us want a solution.
We need a soothing presence—someone who can sit with the discomfort long enough for the pressure to ease and your words to emerge.
Today, I’m joined by Dr. David Marcus. We discuss how you can become a soothing presence in the lives of the people you love most and why that is key to emotional regulation.
- You’ll understand why you’re more likely to blame, jump to anger, or generally decompensate when you’re so full of emotion you can’t see straight
- And why it helps so much to have someone else be a soothing presence who will let you empty your emotions by simply talking and processing
- Mostly, though, you’ll learn how to become that soothing presence so that you can calm the ones you love.
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Dr. David Marcus has 40 years of experience in the field of clinical psychology. He’s been a sought after clinical and legal resource in the world of parent-child communication and he’s served most of those years as a child advocate, protecting children even from their own family members.
I wanted you to hear from him because I love the way he talks about the power of becoming a soothing presence in the lives of people we love.
Dr. Marcus does this primarily by being a soothing presence.
Are you your sweetheart’s safe place?
I invite you to ask your sweetheart, “When have I been a soothing presence for you so you felt safe to feel any difficult emotions?”.
Then I invite you to reverse the conversation by asking, “Would you like to know of a time you’ve been a soothing presence for me?”
The focus is on presence rather than solutions. When you notice times you’ve been a soothing presence, you’re more likely to repeat that behavior in the future. Same goes for your sweetheart.
Find the behaviors that build your capacity to be each other’s safe place and what yourselves climb the ladder of improvement. Intimacy is a practice.
Connect with Dr. David Marcus
Dr. David Marcus‘s extensive expertise and commitment to improving the lives of individuals and families have made him a highly respected figure in the field of Clinical Psychology. His 40 years of experience in treating families under stress have made him a sought after clinical and legal resource in the Cincinnati area on the topics of parent-child communication and child advocacy.
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