What’s the impact of small bits of affection on your relationship?
Today, we discuss how a tiny gesture of affection keeps the spark of your love alive.
- You’ll learn what the 3 T’s of tenderness are and why, without them, you risk resentment and estrangement in your relationship
- You’ll hear a story of a couple who used affection to reawaken the love between them
- You’ll get a habit and a discussion prompt to help you embrace this tiny affection habit into your life
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Why affection matters in your relationship
Tenderness can fade when you stop touching each other. Touch flavors the tone of your voice. Soft touch tends to draw you and your partner together. And all those together create the tenderness you want in your relationship. I like to think of it as the 4 T’s in romance: touch, tone, and togetherness create that fourth T: a tender life.
When affection leaves your relationship on the other hand, you begin to feel like roommates: co-existing.
- You or your partner begins to feel unattractive, which quickly kills confidence.
- Small disagreements in your relationship escalate more quickly, and you find you’re fighting about stupid stuff.
- When affection fades, resentment grows because you don’t feel emotionally safe.
The antidote? Kiss. Touch. Hold hands. Flavor your words with a soft tone. Let small bits of affection draw you together.
Without these little gestures of gentleness, you are risking loneliness and alienation inside your own home.
Here’s what works when it comes to affection in your relationship:
- Predictability and consistency
- Tenderness and time (and it doesn’t have to be tons of time if it’s consistent)
Here’s what doesn’t work to create affection in your relationship:
- Neglect and procrastination
- Then love bombing as a replacement for consistency
Try this:
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is a 10-30 second I’m-tethered-to-you hug. For this habit to stick we need two things:
- We need to find the time of day when it fits into your life and
- I’ll give you a mantra which you can use verbatim or adjust for yourself. This mantra will help set the intention for your hug so you’re giving the energy to your partner (and receiving the energy) that fosters deeper and deeper intimacy.
Your intention flavors your hug
Here’s the mantra I use:
You are my person. In this moment I’m tethering myself to you. And I am making myself available as a safe spot for you to tether yourself to me. I want us to share our lives.
Feel free to use my mantra as is, or change it to reflect the intention you want to foster in your relationship.
Date Night Discussion
We’ve arrived at our date night discussion. This week I invite you to talk about 3 things related to the tethering hug:
- Find the time of day that will work for you. Remember, consistency is the key.
- Next, discuss the mantra or intention you want to flavor your hug. What kind of tether do you want your hug to create or reinforce?
- Finally, I suggest you plan for failure. I know you have good intentions and want this hug to be a part of your lives. I also know life tends to intervene. When you plan what to do when the hug disappears, it’s easier to begin again.
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