Sexual magnetism and general attractiveness begin with falling in love with yourself. The problem is that many people (and mostly I notice this in women, though not exclusively) find their worthiness in other people’s approval.
When you’re chasing anyone else’s approval, you lose touch with your own desires.
When you lose touch with your own desires, you slowly become less desirable. Because you’ve lost your vitality. Your verve. What makes you excited has faded from view.
In this episode, you get to hear from Bern Mendez. Typically, you’d find Bern on YouTube. He helps women who are attracting Mr. Wrong learn how to attract Mr. Right instead.
Today, you’ll hear why a little boredom might be just what your deepest soul is longing for, and why silence might wake up a forgotten desire.
Is your desire to please killing your chemistry?
I don’t think you’ll deny that, as a culture, we’ve socialized girls and woman to please others. But I also think we’re shifting. Now, girls and women are encouraged to ask the question, “What lights my own fire?”
That’s why I’m pleased to bring you this conversation with YouTube sensation, Bern Mendez. Bern will ask you over and over in this conversation to wake up to your own desire BECAUSE you are worthy.
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Take this super masculine man’s invitation
My daughter wondered aloud, “Why would I want a man to give me advice about relating to men?” She was worried about just another guy mansplaining.
But it’s precisely because Bern is magnetic and so masculine that I wanted all my female friends to hear from him.
His primary message to women is: You’re worthy.
You’re worthy of cultivating your own desire. You’re worthy of researching your desire. Your deepest desires make you even more attractive…though your job in life is not to be attractive.
Have we sublimated our worthiness in a search to nurture others?
This is my concern.
I love caring for my family members, my friends, and my clients. And…sometimes I lose track of myself as I focus on the care of others.
This conversation is intended to wake up your curiosity about your own desires.
Try this:
This week, Bern Mendez offers a habit for women to practice so they can show up more authentically as themselves and feed the energy and the magnetism in their relationship.
Bern invites you to do anything that makes you feel more alive. Follow your heart, and do the things that put you in a place where you experience more depth, joy, and aliveness.
What are these things for you? Maybe it’s singing, dancing, going on a hike every morning, or working on a hobby that lights you up.
And how can you build that thing into your schedule? If you don’t intentionally carve out time to do the things that make you feel alive, everything else will likely take precedence.
In our conversation, Bern also talked about this list of questions from David Whyte and this game from Esther Perel.
Connect with Bern Mendez
Bern Mendez is a neuroscience-based dating and relationship coach with 14 years of experience helping accomplished women thriving in midlife quickly move past subconscious emotional barriers to form deeply committed partnerships.
Bern’s YouTube channel is among the twelve most-followed dating advice sources for women globally, attracting over 30 million views and 227,000 subscribers.
His coaching has guided women in 24 countries—including Fortune 100 executives, physicians, attorneys, scientists, therapists, and entrepreneurs, who now enjoy relationships characterized by mutual respect, emotional depth, and shared commitment.
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