Today I interview my sister, Katie Elliott, about her marriage. Katie and her husband, Jimmy Lavita, were co-artistic creators of 3rd Law Dance until his death in 2017. Katie continues to direct the company now on her own. Together they built an artistic life where “new ideas are generated through the push and pull in movement, emotion, and ideas that create dynamic working relationships.”
Today you’ll hear:
- About how seeing your partner for exactly, precisely who they are will deepen the love you share
- You’ll hear why trying to change your partner stops the flow of love, and how you can surrender your need to change them
- Finally, you’ll hear the secret to receiving love. Hint: it’s the opposite of having a recipe and getting what you thought you wanted
You’ll have a deeper connection with your partner when you can receive love from other places
“Is it so hard to wrap a present?”
This was my sister’s complaint in her marriage. She asked her husband so cleanly: “What I’d like for my birthday is a present. And I want it to be wrapped in paper with a ribbon.”
But birthday after birthday…no wrapped present.
She knew her husband loved her. She knew she was asking clearly and cleanly. What does she do now?
“There were a bunch of people giving me wrapped presents,” says Katie, “But I couldn’t appreciate those presents because I wanted the wrapped present from Jimmy,” her husband.
When she expected Jimmy to fulfill her every wish, she wasn’t noticing all the people who were giving her precisely what she wanted.
Less pressure means more ability to actually notice what your partner is truly offering you.
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Receive more love when you don’t try to change your partner
When Katie didn’t try to change Jimmy—and we ALL know how difficult this is—she was able to truly receive the deepest love and respect he had to offer.
I see it so often in the couples in my practice: One of the partners offers love in all kinds of ways, but that love can’t be felt because the other partner is so busy demanding that love be packaged up in this wholly different way.
We all do this. We all want to change our partner and be loved according to a rule book.
What happens when you decide to see all of who your sweetheart is rather putting them through a filter of what they SHOULD be?
My hunch is that we all will feel love in ways that surprise us.
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