What do you need to feel like a whole person? Do you know what your partner needs in order to feel whole? Today I interview my nephew and niece, Nicky and Faye. They offer insights on this topic from experiences in their relationship:
- You’ll hear about the philosophy that keeps their marriage tender and supports their partnership
- You’ll get a mantra that will change your life
- And you’ll realize why dance parties in the kitchen are the best way to raise kids
How to find the balance of anticipating needs and speaking up about them
Nicky and Faye talk about how they have learned to intuitively pick up on what it takes for each other to be whole people.
Sometimes that’s speaking up for your own needs. Sometimes that’s anticipating your partner’s needs.
One of the cool things that comes out of being interviewed on a podcast is that you articulate the things you’re doing unconsciously. They said, “I’m not sure we’ve ever asked the question—what do you need today to feel like a whole person—blatantly, but this is what we know we want for ourselves and for each other.
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This is NOT the same has having hidden expectations in your relationship
All of us are clueless about our partner’s needs until we decide to notice. Until we decide to go looking for the answer to “What can I do today to make my partner feel like a whole person?”
I am just so taken by the magic of “I am worthy. I matter” and how it informs the question, “What do I (you) need to be a whole person today.” Because it allows each of them to assume… since I’m worthy and I matter, I can simply ask for what I need.
So many couples I see EXPECT their sweetheart to do the detective work to figure out what they need, and that’s not fair.
Date Night Discussion
I invite you and your partner to ask the question blatantly: “What do you need to be a whole person?”
When can you ask this for yourself rather than waiting for your partner to ask it of you? Think about the equilibrium you need in your home to allow each of you to feel like a whole person.
Here’s a couple questions to help with that discussion:
- How much sleep do you each need?
- How much down time?
- How clean does the home need to be?
- What food do we need?
- What exercise do you need?
- What alone time do you need?
Try this:
Today’s habit for your happily ever after is to forgive and recommit.
I loved the way Nicky and Faye each want to be mindful of helping their partner have the best shot at being a whole person. AND I love that they also don’t want to live in a home where they’re constantly processing.
Forgiveness is part of the equation. Then, let’s recommit to doing better tomorrow.
And, to drive home the happiness in your happily ever after this week: have a dance party in your kitchen.
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