How do traditions deepen the intimacy you feel with your partner? And when is it time to let go of a tradition?
Today we discuss the power of traditions to build connection in your relationship. You’ll hear:
- A story about cinnamon rolls and why they make me feel like I’m living into my values.
- 3 questions to prompt you and your partner to discover what you value in traditions as well as a shared life.
- A habit to help you implement that tradition into your already complex life.
If you’d prefer to read a transcript of this episode, click here.
A tradition of gratitude
Cinnamon rolls remind me to be grateful. When my children were young, my husband and I lived in the same town as both our parents. With divorce on both sides, we had a lot of houses to visit on Thanksgiving Day. We’d bundle babies in layers upon layers of snowsuits and head out the door.
We’d unbundle, eat, drink and be merry for a few hours only to rebundle and head off to the next home to unbundle and eat again. Making the family hop didn’t always leave a period of time dedicated to counting our blessings. It was this compacted holiday schedule that inspired me to find a way to teach my children to give thanks on Thanksgiving.
I decided to bake cinnamon rolls.
Listen to the episode to hear more about this transition of gratitude in my family, and how other traditions have to change in order to fit our needs and bring us all closer.
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When is it time to change traditions?
Sometimes creating a tradition is what will serve your family.
But sometimes it’s getting rid of a tradition that is the strongest move to increase the intimacy in your relationship.
I’ve heard from people who are terrified of decorating a tree because, when they were growing up, if a bauble broke, they were shamed. So this client made a point of celebrating with cheers each time a bauble hits the ground and breaks. Their tradition cultivates a value of forgiveness.
Another of my clients realized she didn’t really hate her Aunt, she just hated being made to eat the aspic salad her aunt brought to holiday gatherings. So she makes Jello Jigglers filled with sugar and pineapple that inspires giggles.
We want to create traditions that match our values, make a strong memory, and connect us to the people we love.
Relationship traditions take mindfulness. Be patient.
It takes time to cultivate a tradition. The first few times you try something, it won’t have all the warm and fuzzy feelings of a tradition. That’s OK. Traditions become magical because of their repetition and because something memorable happens during them.
And getting it wrong is great, because it helps you realize what you want to do better the next time. This is actually the power of a tradition: it helps you understand your personal values and the values you share as a family.
Date Night Discussion
We’ve arrived at our Date night discussion. Here are 3 questions to help you cultivate a tradition that celebrates who you are and who you want your family to become:
- What values do you want your tradition to cultivate in your home?
- What do you remember about traditions in your family of origin?
- What things do you and your partner honestly enjoy doing together?
Try this:
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to up you efforts on a relationship tradition, or to mindfully let go of a tradition that feels burdensome.
How about you?
What are the steps in your tradition? It doesn’t need to be complicated, but it helps to understand who is doing what. When you leave this step untended, one person in the relationship tends to do the bulk of the task and that not only sews seeds for later resentment, it’s not cultivating the relationship tradition that is your goal.
I want to hear about what you decide. What memories do you cherish? What traditions will you let go? Text me at 970-210-4480 and include me in the journey that is your happily ever after.
Click here to read the full text of this podcast episode.
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