You make assumptions. You want your partner to change. What if I told you the reason you do these things is romantic? Today we talk about the stumbling blocks that make it hard to stay in your own business:
Blending and judging.
- We talk about how the feeling of oneness you have with your sweetheart creates confusion and makes it hard to stay in your own business.
- We’ll talk about why judging your sweetheart is a stumbling block for being able to stay in your own business.
- And I’ll give you a habit for how to stop judging and unblend with your sweetheart.
Why does blending make it difficult to stay in your own business?
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Why does judging make it difficult to stay in your own business?
When you judge your partner, you want them to be different. Sometimes this judgment is born from those blended feelings.
The blended feeling makes you feel like you can read your partner’s mind. Then you’re puzzled because your partner’s actions send a contradictory story, and, instead of questioning the initial premise—that you know exactly what your partner is thinking—you tell a worse story inside your head.
And out pops judgment: You should be different!
The word “should” is your clue that you are lost in a land of judgmental thoughts about your partner.
How often do you think, “My partner should…fill in the blank…”
- Put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher
- Kiss me when they walk in the door
- Ask about my day
The list goes on and on.
But every time that word “should” shows up—even in your thought, maybe ESPECIALLY in your thoughts—you are polluting your relationship’s happily ever after.
You’re in your partner’s business.
Date Night Discussion
This week’s date night discussion has to do with the blend factor in your relationship that happens when you’re falling in love or when you have been in love for a long time.
You blend because you are romantic partners. And when you blend, you make assumptions about your partner. Those assumptions are what gets toxic for your relationship.
The antidote to assumptions and expectations is instead to get curious.
To spark your curiosity this week, I invite you to play Would You Rather?
Here’s a couple of examples…
…of Would You Rather? questions that you could play with your partner to unlock some of those assumptions that your blended mind has created:
- Would you rather have a dedicated night that we know we’re going to have a sexual encounter, or would you rather have one of us initiate and be in charge of getting the other person turned on?
- Would you rather wake up to a clean kitchen in the morning, or would you rather be able to linger over dinner and not worry about the dishes at night and just fall into bed at a relaxed pace?
- Would you rather have a dedicated time that we sit down and put our feet in each other’s lap and ask about our days, or would you rather come home and be able to do our own things and just trust that we’ll find time to know about each other and not drift apart?
Can you see how when you ask these kinds of questions, you begin to unpack and understand what is important to your partner, instead of assuming?
Can you see how those kinds of questions help you to unblend?
I want to know what you come up with for your Would You Rather? game that helps you unblend. Would you include me in your life by texting me at 970-210-4480 and give me the example of the Would You Rather? that you created?
Try this:
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to address the “should” kind of getting in your partner’s business.
Instead of saying “should” when talking to your partner, simply change the word to “would.” Then it sounds like:
- “Would you be willing to put your dishes in the dishwasher?”
- “Would you be willing to kiss me when you come home?”
- “Would you be willing to ask me about my day?”
Want to stop arguing and start connecting with your spouse? This FREE e-course will offer you habits to improve your marriage communication so you can smile more and fight less. Sign up to improve marriage communication.
