Have you unintentionally hurt your partner’s feelings? We’ve all done this. Not because we don’t love our partner, but because there is information we don’t have at the time.
In this episode, I interview the speaking duo of Byron and Mariah Edgington. They met when Mariah was an ICU nurse and Byron was an emergency services flight helicopter pilot.
- You’ll hear how, even with the best of intentions, Byron hurt his wife’s feelings for years
- Why Mariah’s neurodiversity diagnosis is deepening their connection to each other
- And how they expanded their love when Mariah cared for herself first
What you DON’T know CAN hurt the person you love
We’ve all hurt our partner unintentionally. Often this is because you don’t know what topics are potentially charged for your partner.
But what if even your partner doesn’t know their feelings are getting hurt. This seems impossible, yet it happened to my guests today: Byron and Mariah Edgington.
Could it be happening to you?
Invisible damage in communication
For years, when Mariah voiced concerns, Byron would say things like, “Oh, don’t worry about that, Honey. Nobody thinks like that.”
He was trying to comfort her. Neither of them realized this was adding to the invisibility mask Mariah wore through life.
Diagnosis causes rethinking
Several years ago, Mariah was diagnosed with neurodivergence. According to Mariah, nearly 20% of the population deals with some level of neurodivergence.
Neurodivergence, put simply, means that Mariah’s brain works differently than Byron’s—who identifies as neuro-typical. When Byron said, “No one thinks that way,” he was merely echoing what Mariah had heard all her life.
The thing is, Mariah did think that way. The words Byron meant to offer as comfort, only caused further loneliness.
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Do you think differently than your partner?
Because Mariah had heard this message all her life, she learned to hide—or mask—her truest thoughts because they didn’t fit society’s expectations.
When you get told over and over that your way of thinking isn’t valid, you begin to question your validity.
Can you see how, even with the best of intentions, Byron’s reassurances were causing damage: both for Mariah and for their relationship. Mariah wasn’t free to show up as her most authentic self.
What happens when we can’t show up in our relationship? We feel lonely, unworthy, or invisible, right?
Love grows deeper when you make the effort to understand your partner
Byron and Mariah prided themselves on strong communication and deep love for one another.
They simply didn’t know how to listen to the different way Mariah viewed the world. But they learned.
As the two of them understood Mariah’s diagnosis, they began talking to each other differently and, when Mariah would hold back her thoughts a bit, Byron would speak up, “I want to know the most real version of you.”
He changed his language based on knowing more.
When we know better, we can do better, right?
We all need to make room to be loved
Mariah told me she wanted to truly receive the love and care Byron was trying to offer her.
Because she’d been told the way she thought was wrong her whole life, she built a wall of protection around her heart. That protective wall was keeping love at bay.
So, she needed to learn how to allow love to reach her.
Listen to the bonus episode here where Mariah goes deeper into the precise way she worked with herself to peel away the messages bullies gave her and replaced them with affirming messages of her own to allow her receive the love Byron offered.
Connect with my guest
Mariah is a retired ER, ICU, Critical Care, Flight Nurse. Byron is a retired military & commercial helicopter pilot. Their profession was lifting people up. That’s why they feel a Mandate To Elevate others.
If you want to hear more from Byron and Mariah Edgington, order their book, Journey Well, You are More than Enough, and listen to their TEDx talk.
Want to stop arguing and start connecting with your spouse? This FREE e-course will offer you habits to improve your marriage communication so you can smile more and fight less. Sign up to improve marriage communication.
