Money is a source of bonding and a source of conflict in every relationship I’ve studied.
I think this is because money represents things. Money shows us what we value. Money clarifies those values.
When you share values, you tend to spend and save similarly. But money can also be a source of conflict. When you encounter differences in how to spend money, it’s a signal that you are valuing different things.
In this episode, you’ll hear a short conversation I had with my son about how he and his wife share money which illuminates how a couple’s finances reflect their values.
Listen to episode #50 to listen to more of my interview with my son, Logan.
Does how you spend money reflect your values as a couple?
There are a lot of values articulated in this short conversation.
Logan believes that when you become married “the two shall become one.” He and his wife embody this value in practical terms by having a joint checking account and both people’s paychecks go into that one account.
He’s articulating another value: we both need some independence when it comes to money. So they set up “fun” money accounts. This way they don’t need to agree about all the financial expenditures they make.
Not all the couples I work with agree with my son’s values.
Some of the couples I work with value independence more highly, and they prefer to keep their accounts separate.
There’s no single “right way” to manage finances in a relationship. However, it’s essential that your approach to money aligns with the values you both hold and share as a couple.
Date Night Discussion
How you spend is a reflection of what you value.
This week, talk to your partner about what you value in life and when it comes to your finances. After you’ve talked about these values, ask YOURSELF if your spending and saving habits align with those values.
Here are a few questions to get you started:
- Where do you land when it comes to these values of money? Do you fall on the side of sharing everything? Or more so on the side of independence?
- What do you think about a partner who is less responsible when it comes to spending?
- How do you feel about saving money? Do you need a specific goal like a down payment on a house? Or do you just enjoy saving for the sake of the security it brings?
- How do you use money in your relationship? Do you notice a power dynamic when it comes to money?
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