How do you cultivate the 3 different roles of Partner, Lover, and Friend in your singular relationship?
Summer tends to fly by, and it’s easy to find yourself swept up in the busyness. Suddenly it’s September, and you realize you haven’t truly connected with your sweetheart. When you intentionally find time for each other, even in small ways, your relationship will grow stronger.
Today, I’m offering you 3 summer time dates to tend each of the three roles in your relationship: Partner, Friend, and Lover:
- We’ll talk about the balance of the 3 roles and why if The Partner isn’t getting what they need, it can harm your romantic life
- We’ll focus on all the ways that PLAY—that magic elixir of The Lover is good for calming down the neediness The Partner can bring to your relationship
- And why the Friend is always the bridge between the other two roles
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Consider the Partner, Friend, and Lover in your relationship when planning a summer date
It’s sexy to watch your sweetheart lean into their fear, do something new, or take an adventure. That’s where you keep the sexy passion tank alive in your Lover relationship.
It’s cozy to share a moment of beauty or whimsy. Cultivating intimacy with the Friend in your relationship keeps things tender between the two of you.
It’s satisfying to share a moment of accomplishment. You feel like a TEAM when you tackle projects together as Partners.
Try this:
Look for a date night where you can practice noticing all 3 roles–Partner, Friend, and Lover– and how they contribute to the overall intimacy in your relationship.
3 Summer dates for 3 roles in your relationship
1. Summer Concert series
Last summer flew by and you only made it to one summer concert. But it was amazing! So this summer you want to make an effort to go to more concerts.
- Lover: A lover feels intimacy when you share something new or exciting. This excitement keeps the chemistry in your sex life electrified. You dance at the concert. You enjoy a little libation. The vibe is loose. You’re playing together. And this play wakes up the romance.
- Partner: But in order to enjoy all that electricity, someone had to buy the tickets, or, consult the website of free concerts and grab the opportunity. There’s parking, food, should we bring folding chairs? All these things are the purview of the partner.
- Friend: Summer concert series is a great way to cultivate the Friend role in your relationship. Let’s talk about preferences. what kind of music do you like? Do you like to be up dancing? In the mosh pit?
Potluck of friends
You’ve been wanting to make better friends. So you and your sweetheart decide to host some people at your house. And, to make it super easy, you make it a potluck.
- Friend: A friend feels intimacy when you talk to or listen to them. What does the Friend learn planning a potluck? What happens when you don’t talk ahead of time? What’s the vibe we’re creating? How important is it to us to have a clean house?
- Partner: Let’s divide chores…who is in charge of the text chain to invite people? Who is making sure we have enough plates and drinks? Remember, the Partner role makes things run smoothly because Partners know how to anticipate the details where folks might stumble.
- Lover: The Lover makes the party FUN. Invite your lover to the party. Because when you’ve had a good time making new friends, you WANT to have sex. All those juicy hormones wash your system clean and it’s not such a big deal that there’s a mess to clean up.
Kids swim lesson
Instead of swapping who takes the kids to swim lessons, you decide to make a date out of it and you and your sweetheart go together. The kids are busy in the pool. You’re outside. Consider this to be one of those stolen moments to connect.
- Partner: The Partner wants to use this uninterrupted time to get onto the same page. Let’s use this time to have a marriage meeting. Or simply get on the same page about what’s for dinner this week and whose cooking when.
- Lover: After the lesson, can we jump in the pool and play chicken fights? Or could we get coffees and just enjoy the sun together. Sometimes what will juice up your lover energy, is stillness.
- Friend: Maybe instead of a Partnership conversation with your coffee beside the pool, you talk about how the kids are changing. They’re already big enough to take swim lessons. Remember the very first bath we gave to that big kid over there learning to swim across the pool? What do you love about parenting? The questions you ask your sweetheart can be huge in determining the quality of your relationship.
Date Night Discussion
This week, think about how each of the roles plays into the connection you have with your sweetheart. Which role do you think is strongest?
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