How do we cultivate resilience?
We all know that resilience is valuable. The road to every happily ever after is filled with bumps. So how do you handle the bumps?
Today we’ll explore 3 simple steps you can employ whenever you’ve encountered one of life’s bumps and you need to dust yourself off and start over:
- You’ll hear about the importance of shaking it off: literally
- You’ll get a 4-minute date night idea to recharge your battery so you can begin again
- We’ll talk about the power of beginning again. And again. And again. Because being able to begin again is at the core of resilience.
If you’d prefer to read a transcript of this episode, click here.
When do you need resilience?
Resilience isn’t a replacement for rest. So, if you’re feeling exhausted, or burnt out, don’t ask yourself to buck up. Instead, let yourself lay down. And rest.
The good news is, I just recorded a podcast about rest. You can listen to that here.
Resilience is for when you’re headed in the right direction for your life, but you simply encounter one of the most normal things: a bump. A hurdle. Or a detour.
Every life is filled with these, so of course every marriage is filled with bumps, hurdles, and detours.
It’s when we RESIST that those bumps PERSIST.
Don’t resist hurdles. Then you’ll suffer. Instead, welcome them with a resilient spirit.
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First you have to notice
Are your surprised? In order to get past the bump in your relationship, you have to notice that is there. And notice how it makes you feel.
Use all your powers of noticing, because when you notice, you neutralize.
When you notice your feelings, you receive and welcome those messages from your Inner Lizard that are meant to protect you.
Then take step 1 in resilience training: Shake it Off.
As Taylor Swift warns us, we can sit on the sidelines of our life believing the bumps and the breakers, the hurdles and the haters, or we can shake it off.
If you need help shaking, check out my bonus episode that is simply a 60-second shake down.
If shaking isn’t for you, take a walk, do some jumping jacks, or jump on the bed as if you were 8 years old.
After you’ve shaken off the bad juju of your bump, hurdle, or detour. Now you want to wake up the optimist inside you that believes there is a better way.
You’re busy. You’re married. You fight.
When you face a bump, a hurdle, or a detour it creates tension in your house. And then you have the same argument you always do.
How can you find your way back to connection?
Allow laughter to bring you together.
Give yourself a handful of tricks to lighten the mood that give those bumps, hurdles, and detours a chance to let go.
This is your reserve. Because when you and your spouse face a bump, a hurdle, or a detour you become unresourceful. You can’t count on yourself to find your way to happiness and healing.
Date Night Discussion
This week, I invite you and your sweetheart to find your bubblegum equivalent. What gets you giggling? Talk about 2-3 things that you can tuck away and pull out when you’re dizzy from the detour.
Here’s some ideas:
- A balloon. Balloons are fabulously versatile. How many volleys can you do? Get two going and, as a team, try to keep them both in the air. Fill the balloon with water and play catch.
- Bubbles. Those simple things you get at weddings or you blew when you were two while standing in your plastic wading pool, diaper hanging out the side. Bubbles are magical.
- Have a shaving cream fight. Or if you’re not the type to smear shaving cream on your lover, just mound it up and sink your hands into it. The texture is so wacky it will reset your senses.
- Silly walks. This one has saved my family on multiple occasions. If there was a tangle in the car—if you have kids you’ve tangled in the car—these silly walks heading into the grocery store save the day. You can get inspiration from Saturday Night Live sketch from decades ago.
Why do 4-minute fixes help you cultivate resiliency?
Because you and your spouse want smooth sailing. We all do. And when hurdles come along they can cause icky feelings.
Resentment and anger hang on with tenacity.
You need something completely different. Something that digs in and upends all those bumps. Something that makes the detour feel like a sight-seeing trip.
When you have a powerful diversion—like bubble gum!—it reawakens your resiliency. You find you have imagination to begin again.
Try this:
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to find your version of shaking it off.
Do you want to rely on Taylor Swift and her song? Or do you need something different?
How about you?
Do you already have your own trick to stop the tension and create laughter? Or do you need to sit down and brainstorm with your partner?
I want to know how you cultivate resilience in your relationship. Text me at 970-210-4480 and let me know.
Click here to read the full text of this podcast episode.
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