Last week I gave you an example of Tyler and Alia and the three things from their marriage meeting. We did that workshop style so you could start and stop the recording while you and your partner have your own Planning session. Today we’ll do the same thing, but we’ll concentrate on Reviewing the previous week:
- You’ll see the importance of time to review the plan you made, not so you find fault, but rather to help you understand what’s realistic and where you’re expecting too much from yourselves.
- You’ll get review questions so you and your partner can review the week you planned last week.
- And you’ll see how reviewing thoughtfully enables you to make a more mindful plan for the upcoming week.
If you’d prefer to read a transcript of this episode, click here.
Where should you start?
I suggest you begin with episode 65 which gives you ideas for inviting your partner to sit down with you. That episode sets the stage for why a marriage meeting is good for your relationship.
Last week, in episode 66, we focused on creating a PLAN.
In my book I talk about the template: Plan*Do*Review to help you orient your time together. Last week we focused on The Plan. If you haven’t listened to that episode yet, you might want to do that before listening.
Hopefully, you’ve had a week to implement—the Do part of the template—The Plan. Now it’s time to Review what happened.
We’ll revisit the same three topics:
- Meal Planning
- Extended Family Coming for a Visit
- How do we stay withing our budget?
And see how Tyler and Alia faired.
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Marriage Meeting Topic #1: The Meal Plan
Last week, when Tyler and Alia made a meal plan, they addressed the question, “Can we talk about food for the week so we’re not just thinking about food when we’re already hungry?”
They wondered about:
- Which meals do we want to share in the course of a week?
- How much shared cooking do we want to do?
Tyler and Alia had some wins with meal planning, but there were times they fell short on their expectations. You can listen to the podcast to hear their conversation, or read in the transcript here.
When it’s your turn to review the meal plan:
My hope is you’ll have a way easier time than Tyler and Alia.
But if you have some strong emotions, take a deep breath. Let your partner know, “You OK if I’m not all rainbows and unicorns? I’m gonna mention some things that didn’t go according to our plan, but my intention is so we can improve. Sound OK?”
Then wait. Wait for your partner to say, “I’m ready.”
Here’s some questions for you and your partner:
- Did any of your plans work out precisely as you’d hoped?
- If so, take some time to celebrate that success. Positive emotion is the best way to cement a habit
- If not, get curious about what got in the way. Did the circumstances change? Did one of you *forget* to uphold your end of the bargain?
You can also download the graphic here.
Don’t waste your time finding fault. Instead, trust that each of you will benefit from this moment when you draw your attention to the plan.
Once you’ve had a chance to review what happened last week, turn your focus to the coming week:
How do you want to update your plan so you can see more connection and fun in the week to come?
Return to last week’s questions, or create your own. Here’s some ideas:
- What do you want to eat this week?
- Who has time to grocery shop?
- Who can cook?
- Who can clean up?
- When will you eat together?
Marriage Meeting Topic #2: Planning for Guests
Listen to Tyler and Alia talk through the complications of his sister’s visit. Because Alia works in their only extra bedroom, having guests proposes a challenge.
But extended family is important to both of them. They WANT family and friends to come visit. They have a dream of being the adventure home where everyone wants to come stay. So how do they solve this conundrum?
They focus their conversation on their values:
- How do we want our home to function?
- If we want guests, how can we make our home work for guests without compromising our routines?
- If we need to compromise our routines, how can we do that and respect each other?
Take some time to talk with your partner about welcoming guests into your home. Use the questions above, or click here to see the graphic for more questions.
Marriage Meeting Topic #3: Budgeting
When it comes to money, the *Do* part of their template went exactly as planned. Tyler Venmoed Alia $160. She did the grocery shopping, supplementing some of her own money, then Tyler paid for them all to grab Qdoba.
Success! I’d encourage them to focus on how taking time to Plan last week truly paid off for them. They avoided an argument about over-spending at The Bin, as was Tyler’s original suggestion.
Avoided arguments are not a popular topic of conversation, but I encourage couples to talk about the fights they didn’t have. This is another type of celebration.
What do you and your partner need to discuss about the way you spent money this week?
Here are two questions for you to review:
- How much did we agree we would spend?
- How much did we actually spend?
You can also click here to view the graphic.
If you or your partner spent more than you agreed, rather than finding fault, can you get curious? Was your expectation too difficult to achieve? Knowing what you know now, is there something you’d not purchase?
How do you want to Plan for the upcoming week?
- How much can you and your partner afford to spend this week?
- How will you need to adjust your purchases in order to stay under that dollar number?
Trust this process. It often takes couples many weeks of trying to find a budget that is realistic. Continued conversation is your friend.
Try this:
In order to cement this habit of the marriage meeting into your lifestyle, this week’s habit for your happily ever after is to talk about why this meeting makes you happy.
Or, if happiness is too big a stretch, talk about how you can see this meeting help improve your communication.
How about you?
I’d love to know what happened at your Marriage Meeting. Or I’d love to know what topics you’d like to hear me address for a future episode about Marriage Meetings. Text me at 970-210-4480.
Click here to read the full text of this podcast episode.
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