Why does your marriage need a check-in at all, let alone an annual review?
I’m a firm believer that the tiny, invisible details matter more than the grand gestures. I also believe there is huge power in taking the eagle view and looking at the total landscape of your relationship. That’s what we’ll do in this episode with an annual marriage check-in:
- We’ll use the ever-present marriage vow, “For better or for worse” as a framework to give your relationship a review.
- I’ll tell you 2 stories—one that demonstrates what happens when your marriage lacks strong communication skills, and the other story offers the triumph of change that comes when you’re able to master communication goals.
- You’ll get a series of questions to guide your date night discussion and I’ll offer you a habit for your happily ever after.
If you’d prefer to read a transcript of this episode, click here.
The purpose of an annual marriage check-in is to look at the biggest picture of your marriage
This allows you to examine the question: “What communication skills do I need to learn in order to help my marriage?”
Take the annual review at work as an example. You clarify your goals for the year, then you notice what you’ll need to accomplish those goals.
- What education will you need?
- How will you measure your progress?
- What will you need to give to yourself so that you’ll be able to accomplish the goal?
Marriage is different in that it doesn’t break down into tidy, accomplishable goals, but that doesn’t mean it won’t benefit from examination.
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Revisit your vows during your annual marriage check-in
Remember that marriage vow you took: “for better or for worse?”
At the heart of this vow is a promise to look BEYOND the obvious circumstances to search for the love that will bind you together no matter what.
I promise you that this transcendent love is better than any fabulous circumstance your life could serve up.
But this transcendent love—that accepts you precisely as you are—is built by facing difficult circumstances and overcoming them. Together.
Sometimes what feels worse in life’s circumstances is actually better for your marriage
This is because facing those worse circumstances together, and then learning from them, makes your marriage better.
In the episode, you can hear how both my husband and I struggled. And, how our marriage struggled as a result.
I want you to hear it because I want you to know your struggles are normal. That doesn’t make them fun, and it certainly doesn’t erase them. But I want you to know you can USE your struggles to grow.
When you make it your intention to grow with the person who shares your front door and your toilet, you feel a kind of love that surpasses anything else in the entire world. This is the kind of love I want for your marriage.
Date Night Discussion
Here are the three questions for your date night discussion:
- How is your marriage—circumstances and relationship—better this year?
- How is your marriage—circumstances and relationship—worse this year?
- How can we minimize the worse, and magnify the better?
Click here to read the full date night discussion or download this worksheet to help you answer these questions with your partner.
Try this:
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is…to stay when things are better and to stay when things are worse. Staying present so your partner can feel you is a powerful tool to increase intimacy.
How will your marriage change over the course of this year when you cultivate the energy to stay present, for better or for worse?
How about you?
As always, I love to be included in your marriage. Text me at 970-210-4480 and tell me what aha’s you had about for better or for worse. Let me know how you plan to plant the gravity of stay-energy into your marriage this year.
Click here to read the full text of this podcast episode.
Want to stop arguing and start connecting with your spouse? This FREE e-course will offer you habits to improve your marriage communication so you can smile more and fight less. Sign up to improve marriage communication.
