The Takeaway: Part 4 of My Coaching Framework

When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results. Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.

That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.

You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your next big conflict) will blow over any shallowly-rooted-relationship.

Here’s an example:

My husband injured himself earlier this year. He fell off his bike and dislocated his ankle. The fix required lots of metal and screws and a night in the hospital. He was a great sport for the 8 weeks he was on crutches. But now the hard work of rebuilding all those muscles and ligaments is really showing itself, and it’s daunting.

As a result, he was not in a great headspace yesterday and I was being incredible dense and insensitive. 20 years ago, I guarantee we would have gotten in a big fight, with each of us finding fault with the other. We would dredge up old examples to justify why we were each RIGHT and the other person was WRONG.

But, our marriage has deep roots. For decades, we’ve been operating with a framework that sets us up to remain deeply connected.

Today, I’m going to share this framework with you. It’s the same framework that I use for all my private coaching.

My 4-part coaching framework

This week, I’m offering you the framework that I use in my private coaching. It includes 4 key elements:

• Celebrate
• “Good to notice”
• Tools and invitations
• The Take-away

Think of a way in which you’d like your relationship to change, and let’s go through my framework together so that, 20 years from now, or 20 days, or even 20 minutes from now, you have a better framework to connect you to your partner than, “Well, I’m RIGHT and you’re WRONG.”

After a client coaches with me, I send a detailed summary with notes about what we discussed, framed up in a way that my client can begin to think about their life, and their relationship, differently. And they can have a specific and practical tool to help them practice the shift we explored in our session.

Because when you can have a different perspective, and a simple, clear way to practice that renewed perspective, everything is able to change.

#4: The Takeaway

The last section on the note that I send to clients is called “the take away.”

As humans, we all like to have the safety of a routine. Do you remember Mr. Rogers and how he’d change from his sweater back into his suit jacket to signal that the end of the show was coming?

That little routine provided so much stability and comfort for the preschoolers that were watching his show. Grownups are no different. We all want the predictability of seeing the end of something coming.

So I end every session the same way. “What are you taking away from today’s session?” I ask my client. This signals that our time is almost over. It gives their nervous system a chance to recalibrate. They often take a deep breath before answering.

When we’ve done anything hard—like notice what’s missing from your happily ever after, or take a big bite from your shit sandwich—it’s nice to have a comforting routine to ease you back into the rest of your day.

I recommend this practice for all kinds of moments in life:

• When you leave a meeting, ask yourself, “What am I taking away from that meeting?”
• When you’ve had a great time sharing drinks with your friends, ask yourself a slightly different version of the question, “What was my favorite part of that outing?”
• When you’ve had a bumpy encounter with your toddler, ask yourself, “What did I just learn about myself? Or about my toddler?”

This question helps you synthesize your life. It’s really just another way to notice yourself, right? Do you get the feeling that noticing—without judging—is the cornerstone of my coaching practice?

But comfort and predictability aren’t the only reason I ask this question.

I also ask this question because a coaching session with me can be a little disorienting—in the best possible way. We’ve given you a new perspective on life. That can feel … strange.

This question helps you find your bearings

My hope is that this question will help you navigate the bumpy moments in your life. When you’ve had something wonky happen, let this question help you find your equilibrium again.

“What am I taking away from this situation?” is a great way to wake up your agency. It’s an empowering question. It’s a reflective question. It’s meant to be a gentle, full-of-permission question.

And lastly, the reason I ask this question is purely tactical. You take in information and you might retain 40% of that information. But if I ask you “what are you taking away?” then you articulate what you received. That ups the amount of retention by 10-30%.

If you leave your session with me, or your private coaching time with yourself, and you teach someone what you learned? Wow! That’s when you absolutely cement what you’re learned.

So if you want to really set yourself on a self-improvement upward spiral, ask yourself this magical question each day, “What am I taking away from…this day…this meeting…this conversation today?”

And, when you’ve found your take away, look for opportunities to share that insight with someone you love.

Do you want to coach with me?

I have open spots in my private coaching practice. That doesn’t happen very often, so I’d love to extend that invitation to you if you’ve been wanting to coach with me.

Reach out via my text number, 970-210-4480, or you can go to this page on my website. I can’t wait to get to know you.