156: How to Be Your Own Life Coach Part 2: “Good to Notice”

When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results. Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.

That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.

You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your next big conflict) will blow over any shallowly-rooted-relationship.

This week, I’m offering you the framework that I use in my private coaching. It includes 4 key elements:

• Celebrate
• “Good to notice”
• Tools and invitations
• The Take-away

I’ll release one episode each day that covers a part of the framework. Yesterday, we concentrated on celebration. Today, I’ll tell you about why it’s “good to notice.”

#2: “Good to notice”

I didn’t realize how often I say, “Good to notice” in coaching sessions until a coach friend of mine said, “As Rebecca Mullen would say, that’s ‘Good to notice.’” But it’s true. I believe that noticing yourself is the premise upon which change is built, so it is a core principle in my coaching framework.

We’re all different. We have different motivations, different histories, and different desires. Consequently, the key to the best coaching for you is different than it would be for your neighbor, your manager, or even your spouse.

The range of desires is vast! You put that together with the history and baggage of why you’re not able to grasp your desire? Well, we have some studying to do. And the person we’re studying is YOU.

I say “That’s good to notice,” because clients often want me to give them THE FORMULA for their right life. But there is no formula. We need to study YOU. We need to understand YOU. We need to notice you.

 

Everybody’s happily ever after looks different

When we study YOU, we begin to get a picture of your unique needs.

• Some people crave a ton of non-sexual touch in order to feel connected
• While another person doesn’t feel loved if they’re not having sex several times each week
• Someone else wants a Saturday morning coffee and plan for the week’s meals to feel connected in relationship
• While still another wants to go paddleboarding and couldn’t care less about a meal plan

I feel like my job as your life coach is to help you identify the life of your unique dreams and contrast that with the life you’re living today. Then my job is to help you shrink the gap between the two with my huge bag of tools.

And the biggest tool I use is “That’s good to notice.”

 

What is important to notice?

There are many things I invite people to notice.

• Fears and dreams
• Behaviors: especially the behavior you don’t realize you’re doing
• Voices in your head: which constantly dictate how you’re allowed to feel about yourself
• Blind spots and baggage

I dive deeper into each of these concepts in the episode and on my blog.

 

More things to notice

If you want to understand more about how foundational it is to healing that you’re able to notice yourself, here are a few more episodes about noticing.

Here’s an episode of my podcast about the power of noticing without good vs bad narratives.

Here is one about your negativity bias and how noticing it rather than letting it get out of control will help you.

Here is one about how noticing will allow you to see all the places you are blind. You’re understanding of the world grows out of your experience. You tend to over-generalize your experience, and under-value your partner’s experience. This leads to judgmental attitudes. I have it hard in life. My partner has it easy.

When you notice that voice—as opposed to BELIEVING that voice—you have a chance to see the world differently. When you feed your judgmental thoughts: you become more judgmental. When you feed your compassionate thoughts: you become more compassionate.

This episode talks about noticing what you need…rest in this case.

And, of course, notice whose business you’re in.

 

Do you want to coach with me?

I have open spots in my private coaching practice. That doesn’t happen very often, so I’d love to extend that invitation to you if you’ve been wanting to coach with me.

Reach out via my text number, 970-210-4480, or you can go to this page on my website. I can’t wait to get to know you.

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