Passion fades when The Lover starves. Desire needs attention. This week we plan a date night for The Lover in your relationship.
Most people focus on the activity for their date night. While activity matters far more for The Lover Role than either Partner or Friend, I’m still going to invite you to start with a dream. What do you want this date to do for your relationship?
If you’ve been listening to my podcast for a while, you know that I believe there are three roles inside your singular relationship: Partner, Friend, and Lover.
- The Partner helps you ACHIEVE and you feel bonded as teammates.
- The Friend understands you and, thus, you feel like you BELONG.
- The Lover WANTS you, and when you feel wanted, your confidence soars.
If you’d prefer to read a transcript of this episode, click here.
Design Your Date Night 3-Part Series
This episode is the last in a 3-part series to help you understand the three roles inside your singular relationship, and how each of them need just a little different type of nurturance.
Our goal today is to understand what The Lover needs in a date night.
What is it that creates a great date night for The Lover Role in your relationship?
Today we discuss the power of a date night dedicated to The Lover Role inside your relationship.
- We’ll talk about why feeding The Lover keeps your relationship juicy and vital
- We’ll discuss desire and why it can be scary to WANT things from your Lover or even your life
- And I’ll give you a recipe for facing your fears about desire that will energize your relationship
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What is The Lover Role in your relationship?
You know you need a date night with The Lover when life feels flat, boring, or just too much work.
The Lover is all about play. And play is energizing.
Where The Partner helps to keep life’s details maintained, The Lover reminds you of the reason you want to be alive.
Where The Friend fosters a sense of belonging and comfort, The Lover wants to take chances and try something new.
Listen to your animal body
You are a human animal, and, as such you have an animal body. Your animal body understands things that will forever remain a mystery to your mind.
But your animal body will never lie to you. When you listen with your senses, you will hear your deepest truth.
The Lover inside of you houses your desire. The more deeply you are rooted in your animal body the more carnal knowledge you’ll have about the love growing between you and your partner. You’ll feel what wakes you up and turns you on.
A date night will awaken your inner lover
When you gain more awareness of what your animal body wants and you build your capacity to hold more and more of whatever that is—be it the ability to put paint on canvas, or use an axe to chop down a tree, or whatever it is your desire is hungry for—your ability to love deepens.
You will feel more connected to your partner. So your relationship needs date nights dedicated to awaken your inner Lover’s desire.
Date Night Discussion
The promise of this 3-part series is to help you understand the three roles inside your singular relationship, and how each of them need just a little different type of nurturance.
This week’s discussion is designed to help you and your partner discover what lights up The Lover Role inside your relationship.
Discuss your desire and your fears about receiving what you want with your partner this week and answer this question:
- When have we done something together that scared one or both of us, and then, afterward, we felt a surge of joy, confidence or connection?
Pleasure is a muscle. It wants to be exercised.
Your Lover’s desire is like a muscle. The more you exercise that muscle, the more capacity for joy and enthusiasm you have. This is good. It’s also scary.
You strengthen your capacity for desire by first wanting, then receiving what you want.
Learning to truly receive is the key. But receiving—truly receiving the desires of your heart—is super vulnerable! So we back away from it. We’re afraid of our own desires.
Consequently, I recommend Lover Date Nights that strengthen both your capacity for desire and your ability to receive those desires of your heart.
In order to help you understand what I mean, I tell you a story about skiing in this episode.
Try this:
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to come up with date night ideas for The Lover Role in your relationship.
Would you like more resources to help you understand the role of The Lover in your relationship?
Click here to read the full text of this podcast episode.
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