What type of date does the Lover inside your relationship need?
Remember my framework of Partner, Lover, Friend? I’ve identified 3 roles inside your singular relationship: Partners want to achieve together. Friends assure each other we belong together. Lovers want to explore together.
- Valentine’s Day is coming up and there is a lot of pressure to have THE PERFECT date, but I want to challenge this notion of THE PERFECT date.
- Instead, I’d like to talk about great dates for the three roles inside your relationship. Let’s break it down into three episodes to talk about each role: Partner, Friend, and Lover.
- Today we’re talking about designing a great date for the Lover inside your relationship.
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What you’ll hear today
This week, I’m reviewing a few episodes from the past. You’ll hear clips of moments that contribute to what makes a great Lover date:
- You’ll hear about what you may need to do if you’re being a leech in bed
- Courtney Fae Long talks about how to cultivate your own pleasure
- I tell you a story about a client who struggled to find her sense of pleasure
- You’ll hear how invigorating water can be
- I give you an 11-minute date that wakes up your inner lover
- You’ll hear how a calm serenity and focused sensuality can offer a relationship reset
Date Night Discussion
This week talk about the types of Lover dates that your relationship might need.
Here’s some examples:
If you’ve been a little leechy lately, what can you do by yourself to fill your own tank?
When you’re full, you come to a date totally differently when than when you’ve filled up yourself first. Maybe you can sense that your sweetheart needs some time to fill their tank.
Like my client who was in the bathtub, but never FELT the bathtub, what will it take for you to be truly PRESENT for yourself when you fill your tank?
Maybe you are in a season of overwhelm.
It’s hard to plan an adventure when you can’t even keep up with living. If that’s the case, what 11-minute date would help to shake up the energy in your home?
You can’t really PLAN to have a broken oar moment in your relationship, but you can strive to put a break onto your calendar. If overwhelm is gobbling you up, it’s important for your relationship to get a break.
How can you and your sweetheart get a break?
Can you trade babysitting with some friends? Can you take a day off of work? Sometimes it takes a purposeful discussion to find a way to connect for a lover date.
But here’s what I’ll assure you: The Lover is the source-point for vitality in your relationship. You will be amazed how much a little time feeding the Lover in your relationship will re-energize your entire life.
Try this:
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to put a Lover date (or several!) onto your calendar.
Here’s some ideas:
Seek out date nights that foster laughter, adventure, and a little bit of risk. Laughter is genuine because it’s a bit of a surprise. You laugh because you didn’t expect what just happened.
Risk and adventure ignite your sensual body. You become attune to dangers: real or imagined. When you safely survive the risky or adventurous date, a trust is built between you and your lover, setting you up to welcome the vulnerability of a sexual encounter.
Both laughter and adventure flood your body with happy hormones. They also loosen the grip of stress hormones and that breaks down barriers. Lovers feel connected when they’re bathed in juicy, happy hormones.
What promotes laughter for you?
- Do you like to watch? Are you more likely to join in laughter someone else creates?
- Or maybe you enjoy the role of comic? Do you regularly riff about what’s ironic, goofy, or odd
What adventures appeal to you?
- Do you like physical feats that push your limits?
- Or are you more likely to enjoy the adventure of a puzzle that wakes up your brain?
Great date nights for lovers
- Get lost in a jungle (urban or green) and find your way out
- Rent or borrow a new piece of equipment and experiment: pogo stick anyone?
- Hide something and ask your lover to find it: a box of cracker jacks, a new pen, or a puppy
OK! I hope you have as much fun with this date-night-batch-kit as I do. I hope it allows you to fit some exciting dates into your life that would otherwise linger in the “oh-that-would-be-fun-someday” category. And I really hope this gives you what you needed to avoid the date night dulldrums of “Whatch wanna do?” “I dunno, whatchoo wanna do?”
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